That freaking Elf showed up again right on schedule. Abby was so excited to find him, it was very sweet. Even if I had to write a note back to her at midnight. Until day 2.
As we were driving to the bus stop my world changed.
Abby: Mom how long has Max (the freaking Elf) been visiting me?
Me: I have no idea, it seems like forever.
Abby: Mom, do you remember last year when I noticed the made in China sign? And then we went to the Snow Goose and I saw all the Elf boxes?
Me: Um, yes.
Abby: Then this year I saw all the Elf’s at Toys R Us and today I noticed it was your handwriting on the Max’s note to me.
Me: Silence
Abby (Looking accusatory into the rear view mirror): Have you been LYING to me all these years?
I almost drove off the road. First, this is so freaking unfair for her spring this on me when I’ve had 4 hours sleep, PTA burnout and a million other things that I have battle. Sadly I was not quick on my feet and was unable to come up with anything spur of the moment.
Me: Do you think the bus driver will be late again? Oh, don’t forget to grab your hat.
Abby (Bursting into tears): I think you have been tricking me for five years.
Me: Abby, what do you believe? Do you believe I have been tricking you?
Abby: You won’t answer my question and you keep changing the subject. Just answer me: Have you been tricking me all this time?
Me: Well… I wouldn’t say that.
Abby (channeling a Few Good Men): I want the truth! I know your handwriting.
Me: Well, that is really your fault. If you hadn’t written him and demanded he write back I wouldn’t have had to make up the note.
Abby: So it’s my fault that you were tricking me?
Me: I wouldn’t say I was tricking you, just playing a cool game of hide and seek.
Photo Credit: Quickmeme.com
Abby (hysterically): I DIDN’T KNOW WE WERE PLAYING!
Me: (defensively) I think you are being ungrateful. Do you know how difficult this has been for me? Do you know how many nights I woke up at 3 FREAKING AM and remembered that I hadn’t moved him yet? Then I would find a note and have to respond!
Photo Credit: Some E Cards
Abby: You are saying this is MY fault! Why did you even get me an Elf?
Me: (still kind of defensively) Well, you went to first grade and came home all upset that you were the ONLY child in the class without an Elf. I didn’t want you to feel left out.
Abby: Well, why didn’t you just tell me you bought him?
Me: Um….cause I didn’t want you to spoil it for the other kids. You just know you would have gone into class and told everyone that their parents bought their Elf.
HOLY CRAP YOU CANNOT GET ON THE BUS AND TELL ANYONE!!!!
Abby: Why not, shouldn’t kids know that their parents are lying to them? You told me that we should never, ever, ever lie. That if we tell the truth we won’t get into trouble. Now you are telling me that it is okay to lie?
Great, now my 5th grader is going to be the one that spoils Christmas for every kid on bus 5. I’m going to get a call from some kindergarten mother saying how horrible my daughter is for not lying but destroying her little Sally’s magical Christmas. I’ll probably get kicked off the PTA. Wait a second….No, I cannot let her do that to some little kid.
Me: Abby, promise me, you will not say anything to ANYONE not even your BFF about your Elf. Please, Abby, do not tell anyone that their parents are moving their Elf. Don’t ruin the magic for them.
Abby: BUS! (runs to get the bus)
I sit in the car and am kind of thankful she didn’t ask about Santa. Was she just not ready to ask or had she not made the leap? I am wondering what I am going to say tonight if she does ask.
More, I am hoping with ever fiber in my being that I don’t get a call from a hysterical parent that my daughter ruined their child’s Christmas.
I’m planning on blaming the Elf.
I hate that freaking thing.
(Un)Diagnosed and still okay 
We were in Hallmark this weekend and they had all things Elf related in one part of the store, including the original Elf on the Shelf, ornaments and more. Emma turned to me and said, “We have enough elf stuff and we don’t need anymore mom.” Even at 5, I think sadly she kind of knows too.
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You have to wonder at the merchandisers. They must not have children. But come on, they know that this is supposed to be a magic thing!
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While I am sorry for the both of you…this is hilarious. When she asks about Santa, you just need to say, “You can’t handle the truth! You want me on that wall! You need me on that wall!” and move on. 🙂
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Exactly!!! I am so pulling a Jack on her if it comes up again.
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This is one of the funniest posts I have read in a very long time! Hilarious!
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thank you! She is very lucky she is cute.
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I still refuse the elf. But we both know that if Tucker asks where his elf is, one will magically appear. Sigh. Awesome funny Kerri!!
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Thanks, that child cracks me up. Or she is cracking me up and I am ready for the home.
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Great post! My 5 year old just announced he doesn’t believe in the tooth fairy…before he’s lost his first tooth! Catch is he thinks it is Daddy that wakes up in the middle of the night to sneak the prize under his big brother’s pillow! My husband is an awesome Daddy, but not up at 3am to collect a lost tooth!!! My 9year old is VERY literal, and has always looked at me with skepticism when Santa comes up…but since he is nonverbal my PTA position is probably safe 🙂 needless to say, no elf at my house!
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That is one of the easier things with Bridget, the non-belief. It bothers a lot of people that we are not doing the “magic” with her, but there is just no way she would understand. After the torture her big sister has put me through this year with the magic, I’m all set with it!
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Oh no! I didn’t even think of that. How the elves are everywhere. I suppose I could finagle a story about how when you buy one, it “magically comes to life”. Yeah.. nah.. I won’t be buying one.
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Its funny I think about this every time I see them in the store. Shocking this doesn’t happen to more kids. I think if we ever decide to do the elf I will tell her that you have to adopt one from the store like a cabbage patch doll and he becomes magical when you get home. I hope her santa magic lasts a little longer!
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The elf has appeared in Ireland this year and for the first time it’s made me glad that I don’t have young children xx
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This made me laugh so much! We had a lot of problems with tooth fairies that kept forgetting to pick up the teeth and had to write long grovelling letters to apologise, but at least they were *invisible* so didn’t have to be physically moved!
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Great story. Our Elf, Jimmie, is the bane of my holiday existence! Remembering him, being creative & original, acting surprised by his discovery and cleaning up his messes…
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Ugh, what a horrible experience! I wouldn’t know what to say either if I was challenged with that question, especially when the Elf was supposed to be fun! Thanks for sharing on Hump Day Happenings : )
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I laughed so hard that I cried when I read this. I am sorry you had to deal with that, but it is funny. Thankfully, we have not done the elf on the shelf (nor do I plan to … but if we ever did, I would name him Thaxton, after a city near where some family lives). I had to tiptoe around the Santa issue with our freshly minted four year old last week. He wanted to know how Santa got into the house with us not having a chimney. His older brother has asked, but didn’t pester me with questions like the four year old did. I told Isaac that Santa squeezed in through the keyhole. Isaac’s response? “No him can’t; him too big!” Now he wants to leave the house unlocked to Santa can come in. Oh gee. What’s bad is that he is the super imaginative one and you think he would be okay with the answer I gave, while his very literal older brother has accepted our answers (he is questioning the tooth fairy, though).
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Glad I made your day. It is freaking hysterical, what this child and the freaking Elf puts me through.
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