Monthly Archives: July 2013

Mike never met Boo

Yes, it has only been 48 hours since my bright idea to emulate Mike and Carol Brady. Funny it didn’t take a half-a-year for me to begin failing. I know, you want to pat me on the head and say give myself a break.

But truthfully I sometimes wonder where the brakes are.

Boo has been out of her school program for just over a week. I thought going away would be a great idea. We went camping and instead of camping we dodged rain storms. Being away set off her bowel issues.

Which I was prepared for, seriously, I have enough meds to rectify either option: Hazmat or Obstruction. What wasn’t I prepared for was Boo’s regression to happen so quickly. Only two days home from vacation and she is no longer feeding herself, not going to bed without screaming for over an hour (whomever said that children cry themselves to sleep after 10 minutes never met Boo) and having frustration issues.

I just do not know how to calm my child. First she wants her shoes off. Okay, I can do that. Then she screams, bangs her head and throws herself to the floor because they are off. I swear she made her head spin. Maybe it was mine.

www.goldderby.com

I caved and put them back on. Nope, she wanted them off. Then on. Then I want a cookie (her, I wanted a glass of pinot grigio–there was still some left in the box). I decide to put on therapist/mom hat and employ the ABA therapies. She wants the shoes off they stay off. She can’t decide between Oreos and goldfish? She gets her first choice even if she runs away asking for a donut.

I’m done at this point. Mike is nowhere to be found. Carol, well I don’t have her hair or patience. So I put on therapy hat…we will by all that is Holy employ ABA. If she wants her shoes on, then they stay on no matter how she screams. She wants cookies? Then she gets her first choice, even after she walks away screaming.

The icing on the cake? Allie comes up to me and says:

Is it times like this you wish Boo wasn’t Boo?

And I break, again. I channel Carol and explain, it’s not Boo that is the problem. It is that Mommy doesn’t know how why Boo is screaming. Why Boo can’t decide between shoes on or off.

Mommy just doesn’t get it sometimes.

That Allie or Mom or Dad can’t “fix” this, we just have to try anything that may work. That I have to put up with behavior I would never allow Allie to get away with. That Allie sees that Boo gets treated differently by her parents. That we have two children that we have to treat differently.

That is not Boo’s fault or really mine. But that whole Catholic guilt thing…with an added dose that as a mom we are not doing quite enough makes me wonder.

Why

Why don’t I have the answers. A mom is supposed to, right?

Why does Boo get so frustrated?

Why can’t she use her words?

Why am I so whiny. For Cripes sake my child has words, and can walk and can show her frustration. There are so many parents out there with less.

Why, oh why must I be down?

Why the freak can’t she realize she is supposed to sleep alone. Yes, she slept in my arms for a weekend camping. But that’s over now. Why does it take five nights to undo two?

Why if I have to be Carol is there not an Alice? I mean, seriously people do you think Mike and Carol would have been so calm without their Alice.

Just think how much easier life would be with Alice.

There would be pork chops and applesauce. That I wouldn’t have to cook or force Allie to eat.

Alice knew that the one thing not to stomach was a perfect kid. Although I wouldn’t mind that perfect kid for an hour or two.

Alice knew that a five letter word for exhaustion was ALICE. Another good choice would be MOMMY

Alice, when asked an unanswerable question would reply if the right answer meant a trip to Europe. I wonder if the girls would have to go?

Anyway, I kind of got off point (are you still out there), is I wonder if this gets easier. I thought Boo’s first days in the NICU were bad. Then I thought, when she threw up everything I put into her, that this was the hard time. Then and then and then….there are a gazillion times I thought life would be getting easier.

Then there was summer break.

And sleepless nights.

Wondering if I am every going to get being Boo’s mom right.

And so thankful, from the bottom of my soles, that Boo is back in school on Monday.

There better not be snow.

When the Rain God’s laugh (at your expense)

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When you plan a vacation six-months in advance you know you may be taking a chance. You never know if there may be a birth, death, taxes, etc… When you plan a camping trip six-months in advance?

The Rain Gods chuckle.

Out loud.

Seriously they laugh harder than a virgin at a George Carlin concert if he was still alive. Wait, he might be one of those rain gods.

Can comedians become Gods? (and yes, I am secretly worried about God’s thunderbolt right about now–Rich do something!)

Anyway back at the camp….In February we made our camping reservations. With the economy tanking the State Campground we usually go to gets booked in 12.5 seconds if you are not careful. Okay, probably not that fast but the past two years we have been out-booked by waiting until April to plan our vacation. This year we would be successful and not only camp but camp at our favorite site.

The day before we packed the camper to sun-filled skies. The morning we left it was 59 freaking degrees and drizzle. By the time we arrived at our camp site 8 hours later? It was a monsoon.

But we persevered. We set up the camper and immediately cracked the box of wine. Hey, I was roughing it.

Allie thought it was great (you cannot hike if the rain and mud is pushing you back down the mountain) until she realized she also could not go swimming or play in the waterfalls. However the Whoopie Pies we bought in town helped (yes, I gave my child Whoopie Pies for dinner).

Boo on the other hand had a more difficult time. It is hard when a child does not do well with sensory overload has to sit in a camper as the rain pours and pours down on top of the tin roof of a camper. Then the thunder started. And well…sleep isn’t something a parent really needs.

The upside was we had a vehicle and cash. This is what I learned from three days in a camper with no electricity and a lot of rain:

Wet dogs really do smell.
I am willing to travel 3 hours in rain storm for lobster
The upside to a monsoon is that you do not have to cook over a fire pit
The downside no camp fire to ~~drink by~~ roast marshmallows
You can charge an IPAD in 3 hours while driving around looking for lobster
I do believe that the Chamber of Commerce pays off the weathermen for inaccurate forecasts.
Reading on my Kindle is a sure fire way for Allie to say, Mom can I play a game on your Kindle my IPOD died.
If you do get your Kindle back, you cannot read in a camper with two children, a dog and a husband who are “bored”.
If needed you can spend 30 minutes ~~hiding in the shower~~ hitting the button that allows for a 20 second spray in the campground shower. (I recommend bringing the box of wine with you).
I am glad I decided that I want to parent like Mike and Carol after this trip and not before. PSA–do not put yourself in a situation sure to make you sound like Rosanne.
A husband can literally sleep through anything (no offense to the men out there. But you know I am right with this one.).
There are such things as mosquitos as big as my head.
Pack extra wine.

I know for sure that the Rain Gods laughed their thrones off at us as the sun came out just after we packed the camper to go home. And I laughed as I went to work on Monday morning and left David to clean the camper, the girls and the dog.

I gave up Diet coke. Can I give up something else?

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About three months now (woo hoo three!) I gave up Diet Coke. It wasn’t pretty, my friends. But I did it. Recently I read a great post by Jen Kehl and am going to try to give up one more thing.

I do not think I yell, a lot. But I do know sarcasm is my friend. In my house I am famous for the eye roll (now mimicked by Allie) and when I do lose my temper, well it is as pretty as me off the Diet Coke.

Jen had this great post about parenting Brady-style. Now I know what you are thinking. Every once in a while I wish Marsha got a slap upside the head. I would suggest you go read her version here, but then you might not come back. She has some great posts. So here is my synopsis of her post in a nutshell:

Treat your kids with empathy, cool-headedness, use disappointment to guilt them and most importantly don’t yell. Now I am a total fan of living in Kristi’s Our Land of Empathy and Wonder. But I am not always empathetic when dealing with my own children, husband and definitely not with the puppy-turned-toddler-dog.

I may use guilt, but only that they have upset me. Not that I am disappointed in their behavior. I am definitely not cool-headed, I blame this on my goal of having the perfect family and why the hell don’t they conform to my wishes. And yelling? I don’t typically yell unless I am pushed just over the edge of reason. Then the neighbors can hear me.

Again, none of this is the picture of perfect motherhood I was promised in Lamaze class. Although there was screaming there.

Back to Jen, what struck me about her post was that she noticed her son was reacting based on her action. If I roll my eyes at her father, won’t Allie do the same behavior? Hell, yes.

Now this might not be the brightest idea during summer vacation. But I am going to try Jen’s Brady-parenting style. I will (try to) eliminate yelling, be more empathetic when Allie has an issue and speak quietly.

I figure it is better to master it before homework starts up again. I’ll let you know if life becomes calmer or if Allie decides to move in with her crafty aunt.

Well we are half-way there

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It’s official. We are half-way through the year. I cannot believe six months have gone by so quickly. I feel like just yesterday I was trapped in the house with two children and no wine.

Since it is July 1st I thought it would be a good idea to see how I’ve been keeping those darn resolutions. Short story, it starts great but doesn’t end well.

#1 begin running again. I am counting this as a win. Sure it took me until the 2nd week of June to start, but I’ve done a 5k and that freaking counts.

#2 Be a better friend to others than they are to me. Well, this one is a 60/40 split. I know I have taken way more than I have received. But I still have time to even the score.

#3 Give up Diet Coke. Again, it took 4 months for it to work. But I am officially 2 and a half months sober. Is it considered sober to be without diet coke? I know I am not as energetic. Still counting it as a win.

#4 Hugging the girls versus screaming at them. Based on this past weekend I am definitely failing in the hug department. Although I do let Allie use my hot tub for a bath so that should add to the bell curve. Plus it is summer so I won’t be screaming over homework.

#5. Read more, watch TV less. Damn Kindle fire. I am definitely watching less TV but now spending more time playing Words with Friends. Julie can tell you this is true. Although since she is often winning in our battles she might be kind. Epic fail.

#6. Less time venting, more time rejoicing. Yeah, kind of failing at that one too. Tia will keep me honest with that one.

#7. Keeping a cleaner house. Let’s see between blogging, working, Words with Friends and dog hair….yeah I cannot even justify this one. Sorry. I just really don’t want to dust.

#8. Finding balance. I think of it as becoming more of a contortionist than a gymnast. No balance required but a chiropractor would be handy.