Monthly Archives: June 2015

Then this happened….

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Bridget has never played. She was always content to sit and watch. If prompted she would participate, however she never initiated play. Over the past six-months or so we noticed that she was becoming more animated, especially at school. Bridget began playing with her classmates in the “kitchen” or at the sand table. She would be heard telling them to “come on” and to “follow me”. Suddenly she was asking to be on their team, saying I play you. Her communication book was filled with details. Telling us that she played with “J” or was in the kitchen with “T” playing dolls.

The experience was never recreated at home. Continue reading →

It was perfect…

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I was reading this post by my friend, Sandy, the other day entitled Will Hate Win? It got me thinking about how each generation faces something that makes a parent cringe with fear. When I watch the news I wonder how is this the world I am raising my child in? How do I teach her to live a life without fear, when I have to teach her not to let her friend take a photo and put it on Instagram? Continue reading →

I swear it wasn’t denial….

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Every June I feel guilty for not attending the end of year activities at Bridget’s preschool. The truth has always been that since she wasn’t “graduating” to kindergarten I felt why go through the motions? Why go through the tears, anxiety and feelings of despair as I watched children that were her friends move on without her.

Every year she arrives home with her diploma and I put it with the previous years in my hope chest. Last year was especially difficult for me. It was the first year that Bridget should have been graduating to kindergarten. Per my usual MO I skipped the ceremony. In my mind, it hadn’t happened yet. She wasn’t graduating and I wasn’t going to pretend. I promised myself that next year, this year, I would attend the ceremony. I would take pictures and I would pretend I was like every other mom ecstatic that my child was going to be (finally) moving up to kindergarten.

Instead I skipped the ceremony. But I swear it wasn’t my fault! Continue reading →

I’m here…

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I’m here because I want to be. Because I have to be “here”. In the now, in the moment. That is my goal in 2015. To not just remember the moments but to live the heck out of them.

I started blogging in June 2012 after finding a blog post by accident. I honestly had no idea what a blog was, but fell in love with the sense of community. I knew Bridget was “special” but wasn’t yet comfortable with her being “special needs”. I felt alone, so alone, that my friends didn’t understand. After three years of navigating the world of the Undiagnosed (yes, I made up a word way back in 2012) I felt like I had something to add to the discussion and created Undiagnosed but Okay. Continue reading →

Holy crap I’m in a clique

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I am probably one of the biggest anti-joiners out there. In school I was the girl most likely not to be a part of the “in” or “cool” crowd. That was okay with me. I had my circle of friends and we identified with every character in a John Hughes movie.

Somehow I have left that girl behind. I am now part of a clique. It’s a great clique. They support one another, encourage and critique. We share our deepest secrets, regrets and desires with one another. And the world. Continue reading →

She partied like she was 19

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This Christmas I did something to insure I would not have to buy my mother another gift, card, flowers or anything for the next 12 months. I could probably dye my hair hot pink and she would still have to forgive me. The gift I got her at Christmas was that great (not to brag or anything).

When I was 12 my mother was going to a concert with three friends, one of whom bailed the day of the concert. Although money was extremely tight in our lives, my mom incurred the expense of a babysitter and allowed me to go with her and her friends. It was the first time I saw my mom as an adult, not a mom. One who had conversations and laughter a part from our family. It was eye-opening and something I have never forgotten. Continue reading →

When being proved wrong is a reward

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When Bridget gets an invitation to a birthday party, my first response is no freaking way are we going. Of course I get that she is being invited by her friends, those who know her from school and want her to attend. Even with continued successes I still worry that she will not act appropriately or become overwhelmed or not participate. She proves me wrong every freaking time. Continue reading →

Friends, Bonfires and Margaritas…

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Remember when we used to count down the last month of school? I swear at one point in my life I looked forward to the end of school more than I did Christmas morning. Except there was no advent calendar filled with chocolate. Summer has taken on a different meaning.

Don’t worry I’m not going to bore you with the hardships of trying to entertain children, find childcare coverage and honest fear of the phrase, “I’m bored”. Continue reading →

Unknown issues

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The conversation started innocently. I was at a friend’s cookout. A mutual friend and I began conversing about CCD (Catholic education). Bridget is of the age to begin CCD and learn the rites of passage in the faith. There are just a few small problems with that: 1. While she is of “age” she is not of “grade” (most children begin at 1st grade) 2. Learning (enough said) and 3. while most kids do not understand what sin is they do know right from wrong.

Do I wait for Bridget to become “aware” or enter first grade or do I enter her now (at the age she should)? Do I push her through the system because that is what Catholics do, go through the rites or do I say screw it and just let those rites pass her by. Somehow the conversation turned to my unspoken deeper issue with God.

The woman innocently said to me, God only gives special children to special parents. Unknowingly opening a wound I had held in secret. She was trying to be nice, trying to comfort and she (probably) truly believes those words. As a mom living with a special needs child this was my response: Continue reading →