Thankfully this year Abby hasn’t asked too in-depth questions about the freaking Elf. I think she is struggling to hold onto her belief in the Elf and I’m okay with that. I just wish I didn’t wake up at 3 freaking AM this morning because I realized I had forgotten to move the red-suited bane of my existence.
That freaking Elf showed up again right on schedule. Abby was so excited to find him, it was very sweet. Even if I had to write a note back to her at midnight. Until day 2.
As we were driving to the bus stop my world changed.
Abby: Mom how long has Max (the freaking Elf) been visiting me?
Me: I have no idea, it seems like forever.
Abby: Mom, do you remember last year when I noticed the made in China sign? And then we went to the Snow Goose and I saw all the Elf boxes?
Me: Um, yes.
Abby: Then this year I saw all the Elf’s at Toys R Us and today I noticed it was your handwriting on the Max’s note to me.
Abby (Looking accusatory into the rear view mirror): Have you been LYING to me all these years?
I almost drove off the road. First, this is so freaking unfair for her spring this on me when I’ve had 4 hours sleep, PTA burnout and a million other things that I have battle. Sadly I was not quick on my feet and was unable to come up with anything spur of the moment.
Me: Do you think the bus driver will be late again? Oh, don’t forget to grab your hat.
Abby (Bursting into tears): I think you have been tricking me for five years.
Me: Abby, what do you believe? Do you believe I have been tricking you?
Abby: You won’t answer my question and you keep changing the subject. Just answer me: Have you been tricking me all this time?
Me: Well… I wouldn’t say that.
Abby (channeling a Few Good Men): I want the truth! I know your handwriting.
Me: Well, that is really your fault. If you hadn’t written him and demanded he write back I wouldn’t have had to make up the note.
Abby: So it’s my fault that you were tricking me?
Me: I wouldn’t say I was tricking you, just playing a cool game of hide and seek.
Abby (hysterically): I DIDN’T KNOW WE WERE PLAYING!
Me: (defensively) I think you are being ungrateful. Do you know how difficult this has been for me? Do you know how many nights I woke up at 3 FREAKING AM and remembered that I hadn’t moved him yet? Then I would find a note and have to respond!
Abby: You are saying this is MY fault! Why did you even get me an Elf?
Me: (still kind of defensively) Well, you went to first grade and came home all upset that you were the ONLY child in the class without an Elf. I didn’t want you to feel left out.
Abby: Well, why didn’t you just tell me you bought him?
Me: Um….cause I didn’t want you to spoil it for the other kids. You just know you would have gone into class and told everyone that their parents bought their Elf.
HOLY CRAP YOU CANNOT GET ON THE BUS AND TELL ANYONE!!!!
Abby: Why not, shouldn’t kids know that their parents are lying to them? You told me that we should never, ever, ever lie. That if we tell the truth we won’t get into trouble. Now you are telling me that it is okay to lie?
Great, now my 5th grader is going to be the one that spoils Christmas for every kid on bus 5. I’m going to get a call from some kindergarten mother saying how horrible my daughter is for not lying but destroying her little Sally’s magical Christmas. I’ll probably get kicked off the PTA. Wait a second….No, I cannot let her do that to some little kid.
Me: Abby, promise me, you will not say anything to ANYONE not even your BFF about your Elf. Please, Abby, do not tell anyone that their parents are moving their Elf. Don’t ruin the magic for them.
Abby: BUS! (runs to get the bus)
I sit in the car and am kind of thankful she didn’t ask about Santa. Was she just not ready to ask or had she not made the leap? I am wondering what I am going to say tonight if she does ask.
More, I am hoping with ever fiber in my being that I don’t get a call from a hysterical parent that my daughter ruined their child’s Christmas.
I’m planning on blaming the Elf.
I hate that freaking thing.