Every parent loves their child, well most days! A parent of a child with special needs, for some reason, always seems to have to clarify that before they talk about how difficult this life is to navigate.

Not every moment is a freak show. Not every moment is a unicorn farting rainbow sparkles. Okay, rainbow sparkles is probably the 5th layer of hell, but you get my point. It doesn’t matter if you are a parent dealing with typical teenage angst or a parent dealing with a 14-year old that needs her butt wiped.

There are no perfect days in parenting.

And a lot was left out of that freaking what to expect book. And I’m not just referencing the fine print of there not being a no-return policy. (FYI if it’s in there I totally missed it)

Having Abbey, I think, balances my freak out moments with Bridget. For example, yes Bridget will never drive. However Abbey almost killed me multiple times before she got her license and I set her free to wreck havoc on the streets of the Cape. I had failure to bond with Abbey. Again, she tried to kill me in child birth, so it wasn’t really failure to bond rather it was why hold someone (even if they’re only 7 pounds) who gave you 46 hours of hard labor? With Bridget there wasn’t failure to bond, there was holy crap now my child might die and asking to take her place.

There is balance between the girls. Where Abbey is difficult, Bridget is easy. Where Bridget is ultra-dependent it makes me appreciate how independent Abby is.

Yet, as the girls get older it is becoming clear that the balance is shifting. Abbey is off at college, living her best life (as she should be!). Bridget is 14-years old and I am still cleaning sheets in the morning.

Abbey has one doctor, that she grudgingly goes for a yearly physical. Bridget is up to 15 doctors and post-Covid all those appointments are back on either a 6 or 12m rotation. I thought this life with Bridget would get easier as time passed, like her sister. Abbey will always need her mom, but in a different way that Bridget needs her mom/caretaker.

The balance remains, yet walking the beam gets trickier to make sure both girls get what they need from me. Making sure the easy moments outweigh the freak show moments.

For both girls.