There has been a lot going on in our lives over the past year and as I am trying to get myself (and Bridget) back to baseline I’ve had to confront the following questions:

Is this Menopausal Madness, depression or just life?

For example, my husband breathing too loud. I am pretty sure that is menopausal madness.

Wondering where Bridget will be in ten years. That is probably just life.

Not sleeping well. That is probably a touch of anxiety.

Finding excuses to just let Bridget hang out on the couch as we watch Guardians of the Galaxy for the 800th time. Might be a touch of I’m just done and we need a PJ day.

Escaping into a trashy romance novel rather than cleaning the house. Probably a touch of hiding away from life’s problems.

Having popcorn for dinner with a glass of wine. Probably a touch of forgetting I am no longer 20-something but 50-something.

Isolating myself from my support system. Probably more than a touch of depression.

While I am illiterate at reading tea leaves, I am self-aware enough to know that I needed to start making changes. I am also self-aware enough to know that if I say I am doing it for me, I will feel selfish and or not worth it or insert whatever Kerri-ism here. However, if I sway myself by saying if I am not healthy, I cannot care for Bridget I will be more likely to succeed.

I started planning a four-week reset, because if you know me I do best with a plan and goals. The plan is a little fluid and has already been adapted to an eight-week reset as more steps are added in.

A few weeks ago, I made it a point to tell my villagers how important they are to my life. I got called out by a few people to (and I quote) stop writing stupid eulogies for the living. Thankfully that response was the minority. The majority of my friends have allowed me to shout their accomplishments, allowed me to thank them and show them how important they are to me. I did not realize at the time, that this was the first step in getting me back to me. So, thank you to everyone who understood why it was important to me to share your impact on my life.

Last week, it was taking 3 hours and more money than I have ever spent on myself by getting out the gray and acknowledging that I was letting myself get old.

This week it was getting back to the 10 things and making it a priority to remember how easy it is to find 10 things to be thankful for because that lightens the hardships.

I still trying to find next week’s goal, but I know it took me years to get this point and I have to be patient with myself as I get my Kerri back.