Remember when we were young and had our lives mapped out. We would graduate, maybe go to college or the military or the workforce? Then somewhere in our 20’s we would meet the girl/boy of our dreams, get married, have 2.5 kids (never understood where that point 5 came from–unless it was our mothers way of hinting our husband would be that half-kid they are all referencing. Maybe get a dog or cat. Definitely buy a house, but not the dreaded mom-mobile.

Then real life happens, and you realize that this was not quite the life we were promised. Except if you were paying attention to those Disney movies or fairy tale books. Those books could have prepared you for when life to smack you on the forehead.

I’m not writing just about life with Bridget.

I’m writing to all of you parents out there that are struggling with this unexpected life. The ones who feel lucky that they managed to brush their teeth today without a child on their hip. The ones whose teen just broke curfew. The ones who walked into a parent-teacher conference and was told their child isn’t the sweet one they know at home, but the class bully.

You are not alone.

Here are some true life summaries from myself and other parents just like you. *Full disclosure not all these stories are mine!

The time in kindergarten a student her class her mom was having surgery. When the teacher expressed sympathy the student replied: It’s okay my dad promised my mom new boobs if she gave him a son this time. Damn, I wish this was my story–is it too late to request my husband get me a mommy make over?

The time I sent my eldest to school with plain white bread. Forgetting to add anything else. She had water and bread for lunch.

The time a dad had to call his college-age child to find out the birth date of his youngest child. While at the pharmacy picking up a prescription.

The time a mom had to sit on the stoop, in December, at 2 in the morning because she could not take her sleep-training infant crying for one more moment. Good news? She went back in and that child was asleep.

The mom who really wanted to breastfeed but was unable, so had to use formula and the mom who could have breastfed but thought no way in hell am I doing that.

The parents whose children literally beat the crap out of one another when they were teens, who grew to be best friends in adulthood.

The parents of twins who marked one of his newborn boys with a sharpie so he could tell them apart.

The parent of a tween whose daughter was babysitting her brother. They no only left the house, but crossed the highway where the 12yo convinced the 8yo to buy them snacks with this birthday money.

The mom who was in the shower at 5am, her child was asleep. When she came out of the shower 15 minutes later, her 3yo was missing. They were found next door. Completely naked on a neighbor’s swing set. New locks were immediately put on the doors.

The child who called 911 on their parents, because they didn’t want to go to bed and the parents “shouldn’t torture them with a set bedtime”

The parent who, when their teenager screamed that they were the most hated mom ever replied: I really don’t like you either but I will love you in the morning.

The parent who let their child co-sleep with them, just so they could get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

The dad who had to ask directions to their child’s school…said child was in 4th grade and been going to that location since pre-K.

The mom who got home from work and found out her teen fired the babysitter, and had locked said babysitter out of the house when they went out for a smoke.

The mom who just lost her shit on her teens that have been home all summer but have been unable to locate the dishwasher which is directly under where they placed their dirty dishes.

The parent who covered in her baby’s spit up is wondering how it got inside her socks. And bra. And yoga pants.

A child who literally put herself in foster care because she did not like her stepmom, and now not only denies this happened but looks to her stepmom for parenting advice.

The parent who got their daughter’s school photo package and saw that she brought her tiara to school and used it in the photo.

The parent who feels like a success because they are finally out of pajamas, at 4pm.

The parent who no longer feels guilty for taking me time, and the parent who still does.

And finally….

A true recollection from this imperfect mom: The time I took my 5yo to a birthday party, a week early. Not once, but again when she was 7yo.

So to all the parents out there, struggling and wondering if you are doing a good job. I hereby give you permission to relax and know that you are awesome.

It’s probably just your mother-in-laws revenge that your kids are driving you crazy at the moment!

All kidding aside, your kids will be fine. You are doing the best you can in this exact moment in time. Yes, you will one day look back and be horrified by some of the things your children did or how you reacted. As a mom who is now amazed her 20-something daughter is a fully functional adult, I will say I now look back and see the humor of everything she will deny putting me through. She now laughs at the birthday party stories, and the time I sent her to school with bread and water.

Yes, we all feel judged by those we think of as perfect parents. The ones that look like they have it all together. The ones who child sits perfectly still in a restaurant. The Facebook life versus the real life / behind the curtain life you are not witness.

Other than my husband, who is working at the exact job he wanted in kindergarten…none of us is living the life we imagined way back then. Even him, he thought he would have seven kids by his high school sweetheart. Instead he ended up with me!

At the end of the day, when you finally put your head on your pillow (not under it) just know that you are doing the best job at living this life.

Even if you forgot to move the freaking elf.