If there is any lightness of the Lindsay Clancy trial, it will be the spotlight put on postpartum mental health. Not only postpartum, but hopefully how any one dealing with a mental health crisis is treated. Not just with medications, but with care providers collaborating.

One of the unintended consequences of this trial will be how mothers may seek their care and support.

Lindsay Clancy’s posting on social media asking for advice on how to deal with feeling that her toddler was the most difficult human she has ever encountered was used against her in her criminal trial.

What parent has not had a moment when they wondered how they are supposed to love a child who is behaving unlovable? What parent has not been frustrated, sad, angry and just pissed off that their child is not a perfect angel?

If my past text messages where I vented about my life were ever used in court, I would probably be looked on with judgement and taken out of context, like I did not love my children. For example, which one of us has not said in a support group (online/not), text message or at a mom’s brunch, a variation of:

• They’re acting like an asshole
• Before kids, I judged woman who had mimosas before 11am. Now I wonder why we don’t start drinking at 6am
• I just put my kids to bed at 7pm. Not because they were tired.
• If that child rolls her eyes at me one more time, I am going Mike Tyson on her ass
• If I knew I had to decide what is for dinner every night, I would never have gotten married
• I can’t do this any more, she just won’t stop crying
• Why won’t they fucking sleep????
• I’m so tired, I just sent my kid to school with bread for lunch. I forgot to add the PB&J
• Picked my child up off the bus. Did no one realize her dress has been on backwards all day?
• I was not meant to be a mom
• Why did no one tell me it was going to be this difficult?
• I suck at this job of parenting
• I’m having trouble getting my child to sleep. They cry all the time. I just sat on my porch in 15 degree weather because I was afraid I finally understood the adage of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
• Wait, how come I did not get that perfect child everyone talks about?

Any of the above doesn’t make us bad parents. Hell, it makes us good communicators. It is our way of coping, it is our way of finding our villagers and the support to survive this thing they call parenting. It does not have to be that you are a parent of a complex child. Hell, in my 20+ years of parenting, I probably said a variation of any the above about my eldest. And she’s my easy child!

My fear of Lindsay Clancy’s cry for help in a social media post and/or support group, and it being used as evidence against her by the prosecution, is that a parent will be afraid to use whatever avenue is available to them to find someone who understands and offers empathy, support and advice.

This blog is a direct result of my feeling at the end of my rope. I felt alone. That no one could possibly ever understand what it was like to live with a child like Bridget. My friends, my parenting guideposts, all had typical children. I did not really know anyone who had a child like mine. When I started writing about her life, we did not even have a diagnosis.

It was through writing that we finally got a diagnosis. It was through writing that I built my village. It was through writing and sharing on social media that my in real life friends got a look behind the curtain of my life that in public looked like I was handling it all.

It was through writing that I received advice from parents who had been in this life longer than I have. It was through writing that I could pay it forward to newer moms in an unexpected parenting life. To be there for them, in any way I can.

It was through writing that I did not let the darkness of this life win and instead found ten things each week to be thankful for.

It was through writing that I found hope, support, understanding and most importantly in those moments that bring me to my knees, I have someone, somewhere in the world who will pick up the phone when I call.

During this trial, I thought to myself, holy crap I am so glad that years ago I never thought I should not write a post in case it was used against me in a court of law or public opinion.

To those who might worry about sharing publicly, my only advice is that the benefits to sharing your struggles far outweigh the fear of judgement. If sharing saves your sanity, your life or the lives that you love most…..share. Share often and share knowing that any lifeline should be used. It doesn’t have to be public. Text or call a friend, even one that you might not be close to (now) but who you think might understand what you are going through.

Because grabbing onto that life line is far better than the alternative.