Quick disclaimer…this is not a dad bashing. But sometimes we all question (at least I do) if we are moms or something less. And taking a riff from Jeff Foxworthy I have come up with my own list to decide if you are a mom or not quite yet.
If you can tell instantly upon walking into the house the difference between your child’s hazmat, your dog may have pooped on the floor or your husband just broke wind…you might be a mom.
If your child wakes up at 3am and can find you snug in your bed, after traveling up a flight of stairs in the dark and totally bypassing the other side of the bed, the one closer to the door….you might be a mom.
If you get called at work to find out if that shirt that is folded in the laundry basket is clean or dirty and/or if that thing is the fridge is still good to eat…you might be a mom.
If you can tell by your child’s cry over the baby monitor if they will be going back to sleep quickly or if you need to run into their room to prevent a full-scale meltdown…you might be a mom.
If you can simultaneously cook dinner, do the dishes and stop a sibling squabble without burning anything…you might be a mom.
If you would rather lay on the couch and snuggle your child (at any age) instead of going out on a Friday night…you might be a mom.
If you eat the last fudge brownie in the laundry room while you let your child watch another hour of TV….you might be a mom. Heck, if you ate the whole tray of brownies in the laundry room you are definitely a mom!
If you have held a child on your lap while you have ate, drank or peed….you might be a mom.
If a child has crawled into bed at 3AM and it took the
man person on otherside of the bed 4 hours to realize that there is a third person there…you might be a mom.
If you understand that meltdown-thirty immediately proceeds wine-thirty…you might be a mom.
If a child has broken and mended your heart at the exact same moment…you might be a mom.
If you have woken up on a Monday morning and thought to yourself thank God they go to school today…you might be a mom.
If you know the schedule of the PBS programming without looking at the guide….you might be a mom.
If you have ever turned a child upside down in public and sniffed to see if a diaper might need changing…you might be a mom.
And last but not least….
If you read this post and not only laughed but nodded your head…you might be a mom.
So, how do you tell if you are a mom?
I'm definitely a mom! lol Loved it!!!
I've done the brownie in the laundry room thing! I know I'm a mom because I simultaneously wish my children were small again and am so proud the wonderful people they are becoming. Heart breaking and filling at the same time…I might be a mom.
I knew I couldn't possibly be alone in that one. I love your simultaneous wish 🙂
Welcome to the club. Membership cards should probably be printed!
Thank you for the great laugh, Kerri! I liked the ones about sniffing a diaper butt in public (guilty as charged 1000 times over!) and knowing the PBS schedule like the back of my hand (hello, 9am Sesame Street!).
You know you're a mom if you know exactly how many minutes it will take you to shower, get dressed, get the kid in the car, and make it to school on time! I've got that down to a science now.
I did that in front of a friend who did not have any children you should have seen her face 🙂
Will someone teach me how to do all the multi-tasking while making dinner and NOT burn it? I'm not good at that one. Great list! Especially brownies.
Kerri! I love this! I nodded my head the whole way through, giggled out loud and got teary at “If a child has broken and mended your heart at the exact same moment…you might be a mom.” You are AWESOME. I seriously love love love this post. Not that I don't love all of yours but this might be one of my favorites now.
Regarding a good book – have you ever read God of Small Things? It's my favorite book EVER. I also really liked The Fault in Our Stars which is young adult but really good. Made me cry. Hm, what else? Oh – Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Time Keeper, On the Island, ummm…that's all I can think of right now. I probably read a book every 3-4 days so I always have lots of recommendations. The Rubber Band Girl was only okay. But since they gave me a free one, I was extra nice. 😀
This is an awesome post, Kerri.
I am proud to say that I am a mom 🙂
i can totally relate to several of those! love it!