Over the weekend I sent this text sent to my friends: Dear God I somehow have THREE dresses and one pant outfit in my shopping bag. And no shoes.

Am I the only one a little freaked by this news? As I was power shopping with Bridget, I didn’t even try the dresses on to see if they would fit. There was only two criteria: did it look okay on the hanger (yes, check) and was it within my price range (under $25, check!). Store entry to exit was completed in under 25 minutes without a temper tantrum (me, not Bridget). It wasn’t until I was in the car I began to wonder what the heck I was thinking. Me, in a dress? In front of people? Crap I have to shave my legs. Sadly buying the dress(es) was not enough to create self-induced panic. I had to actually choose which one to wear in public, on stage, in front of strangers to read my piece for Listen to Your Mother this coming Saturday. This was not going to happen without an act of friendship. The choices:

Confession: I owned the pants, bought the top. Thus the need for an iron due to the never ending winter storage.

The LTYM cast agreed on two of the choices but wanted to see them on. I’m probably the only woman without a full-length mirror and no clue how to take a selfie while wearing the dress. Cue the Spaulding chicks who immediately convened in my kitchen for a dress for success moment. Not only did they bring their own coffee, they brought accessories. Yes, they knew I would not have accessories. The pant outfit was immediately ruled out by the committee to dress Kerri Ames. Maybe it was the wrinkles that made the outfit too casual. No details were offered other than, “HELL NO”. The team then asked me what the hell I was thinking buying a romper. (This is where I had to confess that I did not realize it was a romper!). They “liked” the sundress but the sweater was all wrong (what was I thinking) and again too casual. Everyone (including the husband) liked choice #3 the little black dress, but felt it was too “party”. I was told to return the romper and save the other three outfits for NYC when I go to BlogHer and sit next to Wil FREAKING Wheaton. (you never know, he might show). This is when I realized that I not only bought three dresses (okay, two dresses and a romper) and not one of them worked. Thankfully my fashionista friend not only brought accessories, she bought dresses and (bonus) they FIT! Out of this second selection, a dress was not only chosen, but accessorized. Luckily shoes I had in the closet worked. I call them my hooker heels, David of course loves them. The only hiccup happened when I mentioned nylons. Obviously left on my own I would have been about to make another fashion faux pas. Thankfully disaster was averted and I will not embarrass myself on Saturday by wearing nude hosiery. Which sucks because hello, control top pantyhose equals instant tummy tuck! Before the committee left I was reminded to wear make-up (they might actually be calling a consultant). Of course I told them I had what I needed, this led to a quick stop at my local grocery store where I purchased the cheapest mascara and lipstick in less than 5 minutes. My circa 1989 blue eye shadow will work, right? KIDDING! The good news: I have a dress, shoes, accessories and make-up for Saturday. The bonus news: I have TWO dresses and a pant outfit for NYC. The bad news: You have to wait until the show to see what was chosen! Speaking of the show, have you bought your tickets yet? It’s THIS Saturday in Boston. Come on, you know you want to see the dress….