Category Archives: children

Actions matter

It happens, a lot. A child will see a person/child different from them and in the loudest outdoor voice possible they will ask:

“Why is that person black”

“Why are those two girls kissing” 

“Where are his legs”

“What is that thing in that boy’s throat”

As parents we think we are doing the right thing by saying “don’t look” or distracting the child. But it’s wrong. When you redirect the child, when you do not answer their questions instead of teaching empathy you are teaching them that there is something wrong with the other person.

You are teaching them that person is not to be looked at, to be approached and most hurtful to be friends with.


A child will befriend anyone. Heck, Abby will befriend a squirrel if they make eye contact. Before Boo I might have been that parent who tried to redirect her attention. My actions could be justified, I might have been hoping to spare the other mother embarrassment.

But why should she be embarrassed by her child? 

Is she not supposed to leave home with her child who happens to be in a wheelchair? Is her child to be locked away like he is something to be ashamed? Should the father of a child who is deaf not use ASL because another person might stare? 

I thought we moved so far from the time when children were put in sanitariums. Instead parents are made to feel they should not go grocery shopping or to dinner with their child not to spare themselves but to spare others. We begin making our home their institution.

I hope you remember my friend Julia from the What’s Your Challenge Series. This past weekend her mom took her grocery shopping. Julia loves being out in the car. She and her mom endured stares while shopping. As Lisa said, “you get used to it”. It was such a beautiful day they decided to stop at Starbucks. A young girl approached Julia, Julia lit up. Her mom, Lisa said hello to the little girl. Then sadly the girl’s caregiver rushed over. Took the girl by the arm and told her to “not to look” at Julia.

Like Julia is a freak and should not be looked upon. That is how I am sure her mom felt. I know it is how I would have felt. Instead of enjoying her coffee in the beautiful day, she took her daughter to the car and cried the whole way home.

In the interest of fairness I want to give the caregiver the benefit of the doubt. Even professionals that work with people who have special needs wonder if they can do it, can they take on this care. I am sure this woman thought she was sparing Lisa and Julia hurt by any questions the younger girl might ask. She might not understand that Julia understood a potential friend was whisked away. That her mom was made to feel unworthy. That her sister, had she been there, would have asked why the caregiver was so rude.

There is the rub. So many of the uninitiated don’t know what to do. Do you let your child approach and ask questions?

Here is the answer: YES! A resounding YES!

Because here is what makes children awesome: the question they ask might not be the one you would. But they open the door for you to approach the parent. We are approached all the time with Boo. Abby tends to take the questions from the kids. I am consistently amazed at how few questions are asked before acceptance is born. (My favorite answer of Abby’s: Her brain just works differently than yours).

Kids just want to ask the questions. It’s the parents who want the details. That is okay too. 

Ask away. Do it with respect but ask. If you are not comfortable asking, how about just saying hello? You will be teaching your child an important lesson. That we are not all the same but it is our differences that make our community. You can teach your child what empathy and acceptance means without ever having to say a word. Or you can teach them the opposite, it’s your choice.

Your actions will show that Julia is not a freak. She is not something to be locked in her parent’s home. Julia is the miracle of her parents.  She is the younger sister of K who adores her. She is her daddy’s princess, her mom’s warrior. She adores her two German Shepherds. She loves swimming, horseback riding and driving in the car. Julia has inspired a runner in the I RUN 4 organization. She is the reason why her runner gets up and runs every morning. 


You should get to know her and others like her if given the chance.  It just might inspire you to teach your child acceptance rather than avoidance. You just must learn something more about yourself.

To the Class of 2014

Dear Graduates,

I know you are getting a lot of advice as you transition from High School to College or from College to the “real world”. Everyone is telling you to enjoy this, the “best time of your life”. As my brother pointed out to me, this isn’t quite true. You see the best time of your life has already happened. At the same time you are no where near the best time of your life.

The best time of your life was your first step. Your first day of school. Your first crush. Your first kiss. Your first bike ride.

The best time of your life was the moment you received your license. The day you pitched your first no-hitter. The day you scored the winning goal or you starred in the school play. The night of your first sleep over.

The best time of your life was finding your best friend, for real. 

The best time of your life was your first dance, your first homecoming, your prom, your graduation day. 

The best time of your life will be your first apartment, your first love, your first ‘real’ job. The day you started exploring the world without a chaperone. The day you realized you can still call home.

The best time of your life will be taking trips with friends, experiencing the world at 18, 28, 38 and beyond. You will laugh and cry and say remember when you talk about those trips in the not so distant future. 

The best time of your life will be finding your true love, the person who makes you whole. Your new life together, starting your family. 

The best time of your life will be when your child comes into your life, when you explore the world through their eyes.

The best time of your life will be after the children are grown and you are still holding hands with your mate.

You will have many best times of your life. Don’t focus on this fleeting moment, don’t squander or yearn for this time in your life. Live each moment as it should be lived.

That moment will become the best time of your life. Enjoy it.