Today’s challenge is brought to you by the letter Y. Okay not really. This is my challenge.
I suffer from something that is not medical. It is not really treatable. But it is real. I battle self-worth just about every day. This is not a poor me, everyone pat me on the back type of post. Rather it is my challenge: Wondering if I am good enough:
Am I a good enough wife? (Depends on the day)
Am I a good enough mom?
My hair, why just once can I not look put together?
I talk too fast, too often and without a filter. (Why, oh, why did I ask my friend who is a lesbian who gave birth to their child?)
I forget to breathe and enjoy the moment.
I want a cleaner house. One that is put together, that looks like something out of House Beautiful. Well not stuffy. But beach life.
I want to run faster, be healthier, be better. (It is not longer about coming in before last place).
Why do I have to look like the kid from MASK in pictures?
Is my writing good enough? Am I making a difference?
I wish I was a good of a friend to others as they are to me.
I wish I wore make up. Okay not really, who the hell has time for that? But I have an event next weekend and just know I am going to feel like an ugly duckling in Marcie’s beautiful dress she is loaning me.
I wonder why … insert self-effacing /self-defeating comment here.
For example, my challenge picture? I agonized over it. Seriously. Here I am asking people to send me their challenges and I cannot figure out how to take a good selfie. So I doctored one. Cause I’m an idiot (that is the dialogue in my head).
What is crazy is that I know I am not alone in this challenge. I know so many other people must have to overcome it. Otherwise we wouldn’t leave the bathroom in the morning. About three years ago I made a conscious decision to get out of my own way. To become more vocal, less of a wall flower.
I am getting better. I blog. I joined the PTA. I host ladies night. I will walk into a room where I know not a soul and strike up a conversation. If I see someone sitting alone I will try to bring them into a group. I will put myself out there in the hope to gain just a little more self-worth.
I try not to create this self dialogue in Abby. That is where my journey started. When Abby began saying she wasn’t good enough. I realized I was modeling language and behavior.
And that is why my challenge will not stop me. Impact me, for sure. But stop? Nope my challenge will not define me.
What’s your challenge is a series that was inspired by a program I created at Abby’s school. To submit your challenge, please e-mail me at email@example.com
i am right there with you on the picture issue! i have our signs already made and am waiting for that perfect outfit perfect hair day to arrive so i can feel strong enough to actually take our photos! isn't it horrible that we are our own worst critic and our own worst bully!