…you viewed yourself through your partner’s eyes?
…you viewed yourself through your child’s eyes?
….you viewed yourself through your parent’s eyes?
…you viewed yourself through your friend’s eyes?
…you viewed yourself through your enemy’s eyes?
Your partner would see the person they fell in love with. The person they choose because you were the one person out of the 7 billion in the world that mattered the most. They would see your beauty, both external and internal. They would see your intellect, the one you share and the one you hide. They would see your smile, and say it blinds them. They would see you: the you that is perfect for them.
You child would see the first person they ever loved or trusted. They would see the person they know has all the answers and tell their friends you are the smartest person they know (until they are about 12). They would see your smile and not see your crows feet. They would see you: the you that is perfect for them.
Your parent would see a person that mystifies them. They were sure they knew love, before they knew you. Your parent would see the person that changed their world and their priorities. They would see your smile and wonder how such a little thing could bring so much joy. Your parent would see you: pimples and all, but think you are the most gorgeous creature to every grace this earth. They would see you: the you that is perfect for them.
Your friend would see the person that gets them more than anyone else (including their partner). Some have known you before, during and after that awkward phase. Some have known you pre-partner, pre-children, pre-anything. Others have known you post all that growing you did and the growing you still have left to accomplish. They would all say the same thing: this is the person who makes my life better. They would see your smile and not see anything other than joy. They would see you: the you that is perfect for them.
We have few real enemies. After reading most of the #1000Speak posts for Compassion there was a common theme. The enemy is ourselves. When we look in the mirror and see the girl with pimples (or worse). The enemy is within, that voice that says you are not good enough. The mocking, terrible voice that brings self-doubt and self-hate. Your enemy is you who sees not the smile but the wrinkles and crooked teeth. Who feels unworthy of their partner, their child, their parent and their friend. The enemy is that voice that asks why are you good enough?
You only have to look at the true voice to know why: the partner, the child, the friend let those voices drown out the others. Would they all be in your life if that enemy’s voice was telling you the truth? The goal of the #1000Speak movement was to create such a loud voice of compassion it would drown out the hate, the despair and the feeling that we are not worthy. Looking at yourself as others do will hopefully redefine your worth.
I don’t have the answers. I am just one of thousands who struggle to quiet that enemy by listening to the joy of the village. I know how powerful the voice of that enemy can be, how dangerous and how consuming. If that voice was real and spoke that way to my child, my partner, my parent or my friend I would bloody their nose (compassion be damned!). Yet I acknowledge that I allow that voice to speak to me. I know it isn’t easy. I struggle, I worry and I consistently have to fight that image of a girl no one loved.
But she was, I just didn’t know how to block out the enemy.
This weekend was incredible, the stories thousands sharing ways to be compassionate. Sharing how compassion was shown to them. Sharing how kindness matters. Let’s not forget that moment, now when we are back in the thick of the battle. Read the stories. Share the stories. Let the stories quiet the enemy.
You are not alone.
You are one of thousands and it is a tremendous village.
I really needed this. Lately I feel like I’m lacking in every department in life. I’m glad to think I’m perfect for the people in my life.
That was what prompted the post. A friend said how she struggles with being imperfect. Yet I think she is the most perfect, gorgeous, mom of the year that I know. It thought wow if only she could see herself as I do. I encourage you, the next time you struggle with lacking think of how Scarlet would describe you. I bet you lacking would not be one of her items.
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WoW! Kerri this is so very profound and every word the truth. Thanks for putting into words what so many of us know is true.
🙂 Thank you for always being one of those who remind me not to judge myself too harshly
Loved it, Kerri.
Gotta try to be wearing every shoe in our relationship to feel the pain, anxiety of the other person across….thus giving rise to compassion and empathy!
Depends on the day.
Well written 🙂
No matter what day it is, I bet your friends would describe you a lot better than you would. So maybe start viewing yourself through their lens.
Will try. I wrote a poem to that effect yesterday so it’s on my mind to be the best friend I can 🙂
This is so great and perfect and everyone needs to remember – you’re right.
Now – I must go share this with the world.
Thank you Mardra!
Oh Kerri, I have been in such a funk lately…I cannot even tell you! But this post, it give me hope. Thank you.
I’m sorry for your funk. I more hope it means that you are living in the moment even if that moment is caring for your sick household. HUGS to you my friend!
What a beautiful perspective to share, Kerri! I love this… we ARE worthy of self love, and we can see that through the people that love us. I noticed that theme of self compassion too… very interesting…