The Santa Conspiracy

Bridget despises Santa. When I say hate, I mean only second to the thought of snow. It started at a young age, when a grandmother would not take no for an answer. I made the photo that year’s Christmas card in revenge.

I had to tell one over-affectionate Santa to step away, in a Church of all places (talk about taking the Christ out of Christmas).  I swear, the words left my lips: STEP AWAY FAT MAN STEP AWAY as Bridget tried to eat her doughnut in the after Mass holding area before CCD.  We had made the decision years ago that we would not make Bridget face this fear. After all, how often would she come into contact with a man who dressed in a red suit, drives a sleigh and breaks into your house once a year?

Last year, finally, her school had some success with Santa. We were surprise by her teacher with a video of Bridget actually touching the fat man.  Maybe it was because I wasn’t in the room.


We hadn’t rethought our position on Santa for Bridget, we were never going to force the issue. However we thought the phobia was gone. We were wrong.  This year we entered the mall and Bridget looked at the lights and proclaimed, “NO SANTA”. Thanksgiving during the Macy’s day parade as the fat man came onto the TV to end the parade she proclaimed: Santa, go home. You bad boy!

With Bridget we were actually thankful we didn’t have to keep up the ruse. Last year David and I thought we might have to break into Abby’s house when she was older and still pretend he existed.

When people ask Bridget if Santa is coming, she will tell them: HE NO COME HERE.

Yet we are content, that this one milestone we are okay that Bridget may never achieve.  She doesn’t have to ever love or want Santa in her life. There is no keeping up with the Jones’s, I do not have to worry about hiding presents or worry that someone might kill the magic for her. I’m just happy she has stopped putting my Santa figurines in the trash.

Better yet, I don’t have to pretend the Elf is doing surveillance on her.

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