Category Archives: Christmas

A not so little wish

I used to love Christmas as a child. Before the freaking elf was invented, Christmas was fun and full of magic. My mom used to get upset with me when it came to Abby’s Christmas. I would never tell her it was Christmas Eve. She would just wake up (at her normal time) Christmas morning, surprised to see all the gifts.

It was perfect!

She got up at a reasonable hour, I received the best gift ever–not having to answer every single night if Santa was coming.

Then the grandmothers conspired against me.  Continue reading

I’m okay with imperfect holidays

I used to be the Clark Griswold of Christmas. I decorated every room in the house. I put ribbons, bows and labels on gifts. One year each member of the family had their own individual wrapping paper. I was the hostess with the mostess, a caterer could not put on a better meal.  I knew exactly what I was getting everyone and planned out the holiday season to the moment. Each gift was chosen with thought and care. There was a time when I would shop throughout the year and remember where I put the gifts. Continue reading

When First Grade is more

I understand it has only been half a year. However I want to go on record (and brag) that the combination of Bridget’s special education teacher and (epic) first grade teacher is more than I could ever had hoped. The first grade teacher not only understands inclusion, she “gets” that Bridget isn’t the class pet there to give hugs but to be a part of her classroom. Though Bridget’s hugs are a hot commodity. Continue reading

Oh so thankful

I did it! I successfully ran a half-marathon and didn’t need an ambulance at the finish line! The weather was beautiful, not a cloud in sight. The course was so picturesque and the company made the 2 and a half hours feel like time past too quickly. I could not have done it without my running partner, Lauren. She kept me on pace and laughing throughout the entire 13.1 miles.

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Since I am thankful for the 13.1 miles (yes, I am counting the 0.1!) I am bending Lizzi’s 10 things of thankful rule and doing 13! Continue reading

TBT-The Elf Made My Daughter Cry

Thankfully this year Abby hasn’t asked too in-depth questions about the freaking Elf. I think she is struggling to hold onto her belief in the Elf and I’m okay with that. I just wish I didn’t wake up at 3 freaking AM this morning because I realized I had forgotten to move the red-suited bane of my existence.

(Originally posted after a bus stop experience from hell on 12/3/2014)

The Freaking Elf made my daughter cry

That freaking Elf showed up again right on schedule. Abby was so excited to find him, it was very sweet. Even if I had to write a note back to her at midnight. Until day 2.

As we were driving to the bus stop my world changed.

Abby: Mom how long has Max (the freaking Elf) been visiting me?
Me: I have no idea, it seems like forever.
Abby: Mom, do you remember last year when I noticed the made in China sign? And then we went to the Snow Goose and I saw all the Elf boxes?
Me: Um, yes.
Abby: Then this year I saw all the Elf’s at Toys R Us and today I noticed it was your handwriting on the Max’s note to me.
Me: Silence
Abby (Looking accusatory into the rear view mirror): Have you been LYING to me all these years?

I almost drove off the road. First, this is so freaking unfair for her spring this on me when I’ve had 4 hours sleep, PTA burnout and a million other things that I have battle. Sadly I was not quick on my feet and was unable to come up with anything spur of the moment.

Me: Do you think the bus driver will be late again? Oh, don’t forget to grab your hat.
Abby (Bursting into tears): I think you have been tricking me for five years.
Me: Abby, what do you believe? Do you believe I have been tricking you?
Abby: You won’t answer my question and you keep changing the subject. Just answer me: Have you been tricking me all this time?

Me: Well… I wouldn’t say that.
Abby (channeling a Few Good Men): I want the truth! I know your handwriting.
Me: Well, that is really your fault. If you hadn’t written him and demanded he write back I wouldn’t have had to make up the note.
Abby: So it’s my fault that you were tricking me?
Me: I wouldn’t say I was tricking you, just playing a cool game of hide and seek.

Photo Credit: Quickmeme.com

Abby (hysterically): I DIDN’T KNOW WE WERE PLAYING!
Me: (defensively) I think you are being ungrateful. Do you know how difficult this has been for me? Do you know how many nights I woke up at 3 FREAKING AM and remembered that I hadn’t moved him yet? Then I would find a note and have to respond!

Photo Credit: Some E Cards

Abby: You are saying this is MY fault! Why did you even get me an Elf?
Me: (still kind of defensively) Well, you went to first grade and came home all upset that you were the ONLY child in the class without an Elf. I didn’t want you to feel left out.
Abby: Well, why didn’t you just tell me you bought him?
Me: Um….cause I didn’t want you to spoil it for the other kids. You just know you would have gone into class and told everyone that their parents bought their Elf.

HOLY CRAP YOU CANNOT GET ON THE BUS AND TELL ANYONE!!!!

Abby: Why not, shouldn’t kids know that their parents are lying to them? You told me that we should never, ever, ever lie. That if we tell the truth we won’t get into trouble. Now you are telling me that it is okay to lie?

Great, now my 5th grader is going to be the one that spoils Christmas for every kid on bus 5. I’m going to get a call from some kindergarten mother saying how horrible my daughter is for not lying but destroying her little Sally’s magical Christmas. I’ll probably get kicked off the PTA. Wait a second….No, I cannot let her do that to some little kid.

Me: Abby, promise me, you will not say anything to ANYONE not even your BFF about your Elf. Please, Abby, do not tell anyone that their parents are moving their Elf. Don’t ruin the magic for them.

Abby: BUS! (runs to get the bus)

I sit in the car and am kind of thankful she didn’t ask about Santa. Was she just not ready to ask or had she not made the leap? I am wondering what I am going to say tonight if she does ask.

More, I am hoping with ever fiber in my being that I don’t get a call from a hysterical parent that my daughter ruined their child’s Christmas.

I’m planning on blaming the Elf.

I hate that freaking thing.

 

 

TBT-I hate the Elf

(Originally posted on 12/16/2013 but I still hate the freaking Elf)

I hate the Elf

What is up with all of you fools that play pranks with the elf? I have no idea what you are thinking! The Elf is here to make sure the kids behave. Why are you messing up your house, your kitchen? Why should the kids behave if the freaking elf doesn’t?

I’m so confused.

I’m also in need of the name of whatever fool told Abby that if she wrote to the elf he would write back. EVERY FREAKING NIGHT! It’s bad enough that I wake up in a cold sweat at 3am because I forgot to move the freaking thing. But to have to write a note on top of it all?

At 3 freaking AM?

Isn’t there enough work in Santa’s toy shop for the elves? Does he really need to outsource the naughty list to multiple elves?

Speaking of Santa. Since he is supposed to have brought the Elf to our house, why is it on a display right when you walk into the store? Thankfully my friend A had a quick response for that one:

Santa lets the store sell Elves you can touch so you won’t touch the one he sent you.

Guess what Abby wants now? I told her that Max would be jealous if she brought in another elf. She bought it thank the Good Lord. Then she saw the made in China tag this fool forgot to cut off his butt.

I told her she had a Chinese elf. Just like she has a Chinese grandfather. She thinks she has his eyes so it’s all good.

The grandfather’s eyes, not the elf’s.

Abby asked where Boo’s elf was. I’m like uh? Apparently since Max arrived when Abby turned 5 she expected one to show up for Boo. I would like to buy an icicle up the butt for whatever parent bought their kids more than one elf! Are you not busy enough? Do you not have enough to worry about that you decided to complicate matters!  I told Abby that Santa knew her elf was smart enough to watch over both of them. She turned to Max and said:

Please don’t report on Boo. She won’t get any presents.

Great, now my kid is telling her elf to lie to Santa. I hate that Elf.

 

 

 

 

Dear TV Programmers

Dear TV Programmers,

I know your job is very difficult. You have to decide what shows to air at what time. You have more competition than in the 1970’s. Your job, I’m sure, is very stressful. However I have one question:

Are you deliberately trying to make my life more difficult?

First some one who must not have children decided to air Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and Santa Claus is Coming to Town on the same night. At the same time. On different channels.

Then some genius decided to start airing all the specials are starting at 8 pm. Eight freaking post meridian (yes, I looked up what PM means). When on a quick survey of my Facebook friends means that 90% of the children the programming is geared towards were in bed.

My child has not been able to watch one Christmas special this year. And I blame you.

Do you understand how much a child enjoys Christmas and all it entails? Do you comprehend the tears in my house when she had missed Polar Express, Santa Claus, Rudolph and Frosty?

Frosty the Snowman that you had on at 9 pm. NINE FREAKING POST MERIDIAN.

Before you reply: Well, Mrs. Ames just use your DVR. I have this to say: We do not own a DVR and there is no passing blame here. This is your fault, TV Programmer, that I sent my child to bed upset that she couldn’t watch the Grinch.

I understand. Well no, I don’t as I am not a TV Programmer. But I imagine that there are a lot of factors that go in to your decision to air a Christmas special aimed at 5-10 year-olds at 8 pm. But this mother is begging you to please, TV Programmers, consider the mom child.

The child needs to go to bed on time. The mom needs the child to go to bed on time. Bring back the after school specials for the month of December. Run them during Winter break when they are home all day with NOTHING to do and are bored. Do anything but what you did to us this December.

Sincerely,
The mom who won’t let her kid stay up past 8 pm

PS–oh and if you ever and I mean ever put on Rudolph and Santa at the same time on different channels I will form a parent group that was bigger than Tipper Gore’s Parent Music group. We will set Clark Griswold’s cousin Eddie on you. Trust me on this one.