(Originally posted on 12/16/2013 but I still hate the freaking Elf)
I hate the Elf
I’m so confused.
I’m also in need of the name of whatever fool told Abby that if she wrote to the elf he would write back. EVERY FREAKING NIGHT! It’s bad enough that I wake up in a cold sweat at 3am because I forgot to move the freaking thing. But to have to write a note on top of it all?
At 3 freaking AM?
Isn’t there enough work in Santa’s toy shop for the elves? Does he really need to outsource the naughty list to multiple elves?
Speaking of Santa. Since he is supposed to have brought the Elf to our house, why is it on a display right when you walk into the store? Thankfully my friend A had a quick response for that one:
Santa lets the store sell Elves you can touch so you won’t touch the one he sent you.
Guess what Abby wants now? I told her that Max would be jealous if she brought in another elf. She bought it thank the Good Lord. Then she saw the made in China tag this fool forgot to cut off his butt.
I told her she had a Chinese elf. Just like she has a Chinese grandfather. She thinks she has his eyes so it’s all good.
The grandfather’s eyes, not the elf’s.
Abby asked where Boo’s elf was. I’m like uh? Apparently since Max arrived when Abby turned 5 she expected one to show up for Boo. I would like to buy an icicle up the butt for whatever parent bought their kids more than one elf! Are you not busy enough? Do you not have enough to worry about that you decided to complicate matters! I told Abby that Santa knew her elf was smart enough to watch over both of them. She turned to Max and said:
Please don’t report on Boo. She won’t get any presents.
Great, now my kid is telling her elf to lie to Santa. I hate that Elf.
This is one of my all time favorites. Sharp, funny and spot on. Icicle up the butt. Genius.
I have to admit to a little bit of “Elf Envy” – I am too afraid of forgetting so we have an ornament hunt instead. (Still do have the Elf Envy though – I’m sure it would get old quickly if I were to try it)