If I could go back in time…I wouldn’t. I just wouldn’t. First of all you could not pay me enough to relive my youth. Or my high school years. In fact I think my mom would pay YOU not to make her relive my high school years.
I would be afraid to go back in time. Life is confusing enough. I am by no means where I thought I would be on this day in September. Yet I am so happy to be here. Sure life, well, sometimes sucks. Sometimes I wish my life was easier. With a chauffeur, maid and private island.

But if I could go back to one moment in time, not to live my life over but to improve the lives of moms today then I would want to go back to that moment when some well-meaning person messed up life for the rest of us. For example:

When some idiot mom invented the Elf on the Shelf and then decided to tell other moms. I would a moment to explain to her exactly what torture she would be inflicting on the rest of us. 

I would also find the same fool that decided to make St. Paddy’s day not about the Irish drinking holiday but about building a freaking trap for a leprechaun. I would remind them that this is an adult holiday. The children get Halloween, Christmas, Valentines Day and Easter. Leave one for us. We deserve it.

I would go back and find the person who thought it was a good idea to buy Abby a Snoopy Christmas piano that David now plays every freaking time my mom calls. 

I would figure out who invented Play-dough, Goop and Silly Putty. I would explain to them in the future my kid is going to smash it into my brand new wood floors. I would encourage them to think of something else to do with their time.

I want to know who thought sparkles were a good thing to put on a little girl’s outfit. Did they not realize in the wash the rest of the clothes would become covered?

I would go to Walt Disney and thank him for this moment:

When I saw joy and interest and a little overcome fear in Boo’s expression as she watched Frozen on Ice. When I saw her sit through the entire show, gasping and cheering and enjoying. When I saw other little girls dancing, singing and showing their joy and it didn’t hurt.

I would go back in time and thank the people who made this day possible: the doctors, the therapists, the family and the friends. 

Just don’t ever give the child Play-dough.