A dear friend sent me a heartfelt message: “My news feed is packed with people I know slamming anti-vaxers. Can we write a blog post explaining what it is like from the other side?” (used with permission). I had to say no, because from what research I have read there is no link to vaccines and autism. I believe research money is being wasted on this argument that would be better spent on therapies (past the age of 21 PLEASE) and to discover the root causes of autism. I am not from that “other side”.

I have said many (too many) times that I do not possess a medical degree. The editors at the New Yorker do not either. Neither do Chris Christie, Rand Paul, Hillary Clinton or any other individual running for public office.

Twitter

While I do not believe vaccines cause autism, many do regardless of the research. Just a few years ago autism was listed as a possible side affect on the labeling insert. What I do believe is that insulting one another over our belief does not serve any purpose.

The New Yorker

I also believe, to some extent, of the greater good. That having a friend who lost her mom to polio sheds light on what horrific events that vaccine saved others from suffering. Having a measles outbreak at the Happiest Place on Earth is concerning when you have a child with health issues that leave them more susceptible to illness. That those illnesses are preventable and yet not treated is alarming to this mother.

During the Ebola scare there was much outcry for a vaccination. A large scale clinical trial was undertaken immediately. If we would vaccinate against Ebola to prevent a crisis, why decry the use of the current ones in use?

There is no denying that parent’s stories matter. The child who had language, joint attention and was “normal” until getting a vaccine. Parents who did educate themselves because they wanted to understand the risks and trusted their physician to “do no harm”. These children who had high fevers after getting the vaccination (a reaction?) or other adverse affects. At the time maybe no correlation was made, but looking back that mother asks herself is this when I began to lose my son? Yet she cannot say for sure it was the vaccines. Was it genetics, was it a vaccine, was it an alien life form that entered in the night and removed her daughter’s ability to speak?

The problem is we do not know. What is out there (and yes, I admit pharmaceutical companies play/pay a role in the research) says that in no way does a vaccination cause autism. The research was done by both pharma and government agencies. The ONE paper that suggested a correlation was proven to be false. Not wrong, but false with made up data.  But what if there is a dormant gene that is awakened and or mutated by the vaccination?

I feel very strongly that instead of repeating current research to get the answer you want, time (and money) should be spent on finding out if there is a genetic component to autism. If that is found, then maybe spend the time (and a whole lot of money) see if there is a link to that genetic component and vaccine.

Should there be a genetic disposition for autism, does that malformation react differently to the vaccination? Maybe that vaccine has to be altered for those with the ‘autism gene’.  Could this be why there are so many who believe a vaccination stole their child from them? Why they believe in a cure? Could this be a factor in the dramatic rise in autism diagnoses. This is where I hope research will focus, rather than repeating what has already been done.

In the meantime, I beg all of us to show compassion. No one understands the love and pain involved in loving a child with autism. Really with any medical issue. We always will question what role we played in their disability.

Unable to help ourselves, we stay awake at night and obsess wondering if there was anything we did or did not do that harmed our child. We scour the internet and Google every ailment to see if there is a link or connection to be made. This is how Bridget got diagnosed with PACS1 after all. A shot in the dark that provided an answer.

Until you understand why the questions are asked, do not judge them. When you do understand why instead of judging, help them find the answers.

Instead of spewing hate or calling either side “idiots” for their belief (and questions) I ask all of us to remember that empathy begins with understanding. That while my friend and I might have opposing views regarding vaccinations our journeys were different. Both of our beliefs are valid and worthy. Both of us have the discussion together with respect and compassion.

Let’s stop using the vaccination question for political reasons and start using it to find answers.

Thank you for joining me for Throwback Thursday, Blog style. This post is so dear to my heart as well…Bridget rocked. It was originally published on 30-APR-2013. Rereading it I cannot get over how far she has come since this was first posted. Continue reading →

Our town is currently going through the budget process for the upcoming year. Have you ever looked at your town budget? I have been going through just the school department budget (line by line) and it is enough to make my hair straight.

One of the reasons I love living in a small town is the opportunity to be involved in the process. Everyone truly has a voice, if they use it. In the school department case, the townspeople elect the (unpaid, volunteer only) school committee. The committee hires a superintendent. The superintendent hires the school staff. People unfamiliar with small town policies forget that at the end of the day, the school superintendent and committee answer to the townspeople. We are supposed to be involved and ask questions so we understand not only what is happening in our town but why our taxes get raised (every freaking year). Continue reading →

Throw back Thursday, blogging style. This post was originally published on 05-APR-2013. It was part of a series called 5-minute Friday. Where with a one word prompt you write for five minutes unfiltered.

It is time to join Lisa-Jo for 5-minute Friday. The time of day where you write for 5 minutes,unedited, just to show you can.

After I grow up I will do something meaningful.
After the kids go to bed I will relax.
After the husband goes to work I will clean the house.
After, after, after…. Continue reading →

Compassion: “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow who is stricken with misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering” (Dictionary).

I want to instill in Abby (and Bridget) what compassion is and is not. Sadly so many of us, myself included, forget the second half of the definition. Continue reading →

It has been a while since I was rewarded with the Leibster award. This is an award completely made up in the blogging world to validate that your blog does matter. Even if only 2 people read it. Lucky for me, more than 2 people read my words. However I am so very grateful to British Mum USA considered me the for the award.

Except, when I saw it on Twitter it said I was awarded the Lobster award. Which is cool because I totally love and I mean LOVE with capital letters lobstah. Have to love auto-correct, don’t you? At first I was just a little disappointed. Only because I had popcorn for dinner and was still hungry.

Now you are craving lobster, right? Instead I am going to gift the Leibster award to a few deserving writers.

Here is how it works, she asks me gives me an award and 10 questions. Then I pass the award on to some other wonderful bloggers.  I am supposed to ask them new questions, but I will probably cheat and reuse most of Ray’s awesome questions.

1. Where have you lived that you loved? Right where I am. Seriously, I love my town and my home. We have the best community ever.
2. Where would you love to live and why? If I had to move, and by that I mean was forced off the island, I would choose the coast of Maine. I just love being in Maine where you have the coast and the mountains within a few hours of one another.
3. Why do you blog, is it what you thought it would be? This should be two questions! I started to blog because I needed an outlet. I felt so alone with Bridget. The first year I kept the blog a secret from those who know me in real life. That was a mistake. While I made a tremendous friendship in Kristi  and others it took going public in 2013 to realize what I was missing with my real life friends. Between the two worlds I have succeeded in why I began blogging, to find my village. For the second part of the question, not at all. I never in a million years thought this blog would grow beyond Tia & Jenn reading it. To know I have impact on others? Holy crap it’s been a fantastic three years.
4. Do you enjoy time to yourself, solitude? I’m sorry, time to myself? I’m not sure I know what that phrase means!
5. Best book/movie read or seen lately? Killing Patton. It wasn’t really about killing him. He dies in the first chapter. But to learn more about the history of WW2 was quite amazing.
6. What have you learned recently? Not so much learned, but remembered that people are there for you if you let them. But you have to let them know.
7. What super power would you like to have? For Abby to do what I ask without questioning me
8. What plug-in or app can you not live without? Gosh, I hate to admit it but Facebook. I think I’m addicted.
9. Name a food that you hated as a child, and love now!  Just about everything. I was a wicked picky eater. I think my mom (and husband) would still say I’m the worst eater ever. But I’m much improved.
10. Have you ever found yourself in a LOL situation, what was it? This morning. I was trying a new exercise move in the bathroom (called the skater, don’t ask) when I tripped over my own feet and almost knocked myself out on the bathroom vanity. After I finished laughing I gave thanks that no one was there to witness it.

Thank you to British Mum for gifting me with the Leibster. I am sorry for being so late to respond. But well, holidays and hospitalizations cramped my style!

Here are the next group of winners (you can answer the same questions because they were fun!):

1. Looking for Blue Sky
2. Mardra
3. Sandcastle
4. The Maine Forest Cafe

Check out these cool bloggers for their unique perspective on the world. They are all very different and worthy of a peek!

Today’s throw-back post was originally written on February 28, 2014 for the Finish that Sentence Prompt, The Most Unexpected Part of Being a Grown-up Is… Continue reading →