When Bridget was younger, it was so easy to celebrate the milestones that she worked so hard to achieve. She might not have walked, rolled over or jumped on the developmental scale like her more typical peers…eventually she mastered them.

When your child is disabled, you start celebrating the tiniest milestones (she ate without choking!) and overcoming at one time seemed like a skill we would have to give up on. And then later once again, her proving us wrong. It would just take more time and be done in a way that we never expected.

With Bridget’s sister, I have always been laid back when it came to transitions. Going from pre-k to kindergarten? That is supposed to happen. No tears. Turning 16 and getting her license. That is the natural progression. I would have been more upset if she did not get her license. When she graduated high school, she had four options: college, a job with an apartment, the military or not my house. And yes, I not only had that conversation with her but with her high school guidance counselor.

With Bridget, her obtaining those “smaller” milestones that were celebrated seem so far away.

Because at some point, you realize this child is never “catching up”.

Bridget will do many things, but she won’t ever get a driver’s license. She will never go to college, and she will never get married or have a family of her own.

She will never get that “first job” that teaches her how to be a member of a productive workforce. She will one day get a job, but it will be more of a life skill and not a lifestyle choice.

Bridget will never get married or have a family. She will always be a part of a family. Living either with us or her sister. But Bridget will never know the joy of seeing her child’s first steps to them graduating college.

Bridget will not go to college. Now with her sister, no one was more surprised that I was when she decided to go to college. I didn’t expect it to be on an iceberg. I didn’t expect this child who wanted to quit school in third grade, become a student on the Dean’s list. Bridget will never get to shock me that way. She will stay in her special ed program until the day before her 22nd birthday. She will not live in a dorm, have a first love or find her career.

This isn’t anyone putting limits on Bridget. It is the reality when your child is forever 4-years-old. That reality keeps getting closer, the older Bridget gets.

Most days that’s okay with her dad and me. Because we do truly know who this child is, she is our forever child who will do great things and bring tremendous joy to not only our lives but to just about everyone she meets.

Then there are those days when you see her classmates from when she was in a typical public school go to prom, get their learners permits and start touring colleges. When we see the photos of homecoming, dances and sporting events. When we are at a restaurant and our hostess or waitress used to be in kindergarten with Bridget.

And in those moments, it hurts just a bit that I cannot tell her IEP team that her choices at graduation are college, the military or not my couch.

Even though we don’t really mind her being there.