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Ten Things of Thankful

This has been a crazy week. I feel there were moments when I thought this was the longest Monday ever, and it was Thursday. There were moments when I thought this was the quickest week ever, when I woke up on Friday morning and realized I had not accomplished half the things I intended to this week.

While there were more than a few what the freak moments, there were also 10 moments to be grateful for…

That I have a supportive employer, that understands the true meaning of a flexible schedule.
That there are plumbers out there that come the same day you run out of hot water
That my nephew who is on leave from the military is spending it with us
That my eldest came home for a month, not just a few days
That Bridget is full of stories again, even if they may or may not be 100% accurate
That while last week’s IEP meeting/3-year evaluation was another reality check, I did not leave in tears, but thankful Bridget is at a school that supports her where she is at
That friend who seems to know exactly when to text a “how’s it going” text while letting me live vicariously through her train adventures
That when around the campfire, when everyone was talking over one another, Bridget (with perfect articulation) proclaimed: LISTEN TO ME. SHUT OFF YOUR MOUTHS! And instead of being insulted, all of us stopped for a moment, laughed and then continued making memories
That this summer, Bridget not only bossed us around the campfire, she interacted with everyone. Even if she kept rearranging where we all sat.

And for number 10….that I am finally comfortable allowing myself to take me time and only feeling 5% guilty about it. After that IEP meeting, when I needed to recenter myself from my dreams to Bridget’s reality, instead of pushing it down and soldiering on…I did not go back to work. I did not go home and start cleaning or doing 100 other things I should be doing, I took time to walk the canal. I took time to enjoy summer in September on the Cape. I took time to text it out with the friends that never judge what I am feeling in that moment. While it sounds selfish writing it out, I know I needed that 90 minutes to soak in the sun and walk out those feelings that it is okay to mourn my dreams of Bridget’s possibilities while being thankful for her reality. That she has one, that she is happy and that at the end of the walk I know I am doing the best I can to give her the best life she lives to her fullest potential.

Ten Things

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What I like most about the Thanksgiving and Holiday season, is that so many of us take a moment to realize how lucky we are, even if we are not having the best of days (or hours). For example:

Being able to send a WTF SHOOT ME NOW text and have a friend respond: Do you need bail money, help hiding the body or just a wine drop off?

Having a house full of company for the Thanksgiving holiday. Yes, it was chaos. Yes, there was a lot of food, laughs and dog hair every freaking where. And my MIL kicking my ass in cribbage, again.

During the Thanksgiving, having my nephew and niece stay with us. That they let me be Kerri the Great to their toddler. This little child who is so typical it does my heart good to be a witness. This is going to sound weird, but it no longer hurts to see a little child who takes for granted how easy it is for them to run, eat and climb. Rather, it makes my hurt burst with pride at how wonderful parents my nephew and niece are. Their toddler has totally stolen my heart, in all the best ways.

Not only can I message my other nephew, who is serving overseas, but he can message me back within minutes. He (like my eldest) has no respect for the time difference, texting me at 2am my time without even realizing it. I am so thankful he does, that even though he has been serving our Country for the entirety of his adult life, and been not local for 100% of it, the connect has not faded but rather grown.

I am so thankful to have this friend, who honestly rebuilt her life from the ashes and is now paying it forward. On Instagram @LisaRisesStrong she is putting herself out there, trying to help others live their best lives. That I have been able to be a witness to her growth and can now share her with the world to showcase how awesome she is something I am so thankful.

It now officially Christmas music season. And that Pandora exists so I can make a playlist of my favorites and more that Bridget seems to know the difference between Christmas music and all other genres.

There is no Elf in my house.

I think we have found the right mix of medications to keep the catatonia at bay and bring Bridget back. During the holidays, the company did notice she was still reserved and not quite as social. However, they noticed a huge improvement from the summer. Thursday when she got off her school van, she actually chatted with the van driver. That is a bigger deal than some of you may realize. She also chatted with a stranger at Market Basket. Okay she was trying to once again explain to a random shopper why they needed the PINK pop tarts. But she engaged and talked to someone that is not me.

That Amazon exists. Okay, I know they are horrible for local small businesses. But having one child in the frozen Tundra, one nephew overseas and countless friends around the world, it is so very helpful to do one stop shopping and shipping.

Last but not least, I am thankful for when there are those times I have to work from home on a weekend, this is my office.

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Time goes by so quickly, it has been a few weeks since I took a moment to pause and remember with all the craziness going on in my life it is important to remember all the good that has happened that balances out the feelings of my life is a dumpster fire.

Bridget loved her cheerleading season, that capped off with an exhibition at Gillette Stadium with the Patriots Cheerleaders. She not only picked the song her team danced to but insisted on doing the “Lift”.

Taking some “me” time and doing some much overdue self-care

That at work we have successfully opened a second location, expanding my role in a way that keeps me not only challenged but fulfilled

That a friend who spent a year in NYC, came home and we were able to have snacks for dinner for the first time in over a year.

That Bridget went bowling with a friend and while she has the funniest and slowest technique it doesn’t matter how the ball gets down the lane, we are just thankful for the gutter guards

That there were more smiles than tears this week

That when doing a deep clean in preparation for holiday visitors, I found little pieces of my eldest and her imagination that I had forgotten about. And the amazement that even though she has been away at college for over 3 years, I am still finding the hiding places of her “treasures”.

That while I was completely unsuccessful in recreating Wing Dings from Bobby Byrnes Pub, I didn’t poison us. While they were not wing dings, they were still edible, and the onion rings came out fantastic!

That I recognized that I am in a rut, personally, may have some menopausal madness going on and have started to strategize how to get me back to where I was a year ago. I have realized that Bridget’s latest health trauma has impacted me in a way the previous one had not. I could blame that menopausal madness, but those who know me know I don’t like a pity party or to shift blame. It is up to me to put myself back together. It will take some growth, some accountability and most of all my village. Thank you for not letting me slide, for not letting me fail and for never giving up on me.

And that is what I am most thankful for, the friendships new and old that continue to be the reason I survive this unexpected life.