There are 24 hours in a day, I recently did some math and realized that I am awake for 18 of those hours. Doing a quick debrief of a recent workday, I realized that I spend about 11 hours of that day either commuting to/from work, actually working at the office and then following up at home with employees, customers, answering emails and or phone calls.

During the week, another chunk of my time is spent caring for Bridget. When I deducted the times before and after school, Bridget during the week takes about 5 hours of my time. Not dedicated 5 hours, I am not her 1:1. But during those 5 hours, between getting on/off the van and out of/into bed, Bridget is the priority.

Now a lot of these hours overlap. For example, in the last hour I have showered Bridget, made her dinner, answered 5 texts from work and an “urgent” phone call (that was not that urgent.

Yet even if I said these hours spent between just work and Bridget were concurrent, that still leaves 3 hours left in the day.

And yet I, like many working parents, feel that there is no time left for “me”. We have sold ourselves this bad mantra where we have to be taking care of everyone all the time. We feel guilty sitting on the couch eating bon bons, even though we have already put in a full day and it might only be 4pm.

We parents are up in the middle of the night, when our child cries out. Even if they do not really awaken. Even though Bridget is 16yo, I think the last night I did not awaken (even briefly) to a sound from her bedroom since she was born. This is not because Bridget is not neuro typical. This is something all parents face, especially when they are waiting for their teen to get home and hoping it is before curfew.

I am not someone who has to have the cleanliest house in town. After a long day, I refuse to company clean or even do laundry. But I find other ways to fill that time between Bridget going to bed and getting out of it the next morning.

And not one of those things include self-care.

A friend of mine recently said that anyone can be physically fit, they just have to commit to themselves. They have to put exercise on the schedule on the calendar and make it non-negotiable. It could be a 30-minute walk, a yoga class or a cross-fit hour of torture. The way to success is to make exercise as important as getting your child on the bus every morning. No one, after all, wants to get up and go to the bus stop at the ass-crack of dawn, making sure their child goes to school. In this example, if you want to become more active and fit, make it as important as getting your child to school.

It does not have to be exercise; it could be setting a goal of learning a musical instrument or learning to play chess.

My friend’s point was this: find something that engages you and make it a commitment.

This conversation got me thinking, because of course I immediately thought I don’t have time to do (insert whatever I am avoiding here). There is no time left in my day! I then had that rare moment of self-awareness, where I realized it is just as easy to make an excuse as it is to make a commitment.

Thinking back, I have made the effort and commitment to things that mattered. For example, being an elected member of our local school committee. The schools were important to me, so I found the time to commit. I considered it a second, albeit unpaid, job. I put the time in and was rewarded personally, when I saw this work mattered not just to me but to those I served.

So why am I not putting the time into me?

I think this is something every parent suffers from. We have this feeling that we are selfish, or that the children matter or our spouse needs us to do something important or work is calling. It is not purposeful, it is just we blinked and not only has the day gone by, but it was just March yesterday and now we are having people for Thanksgiving. Where did summer go? The days pass by so quickly, we forget those minutes and hours that are lost if we don’t pay attention.

I have decided to build on this idea that by finding one hour a day to keep my mind and body active, it will become easier to maintain the commitment. It will just become a part of my day. Just as putting Bridget on the van every morning is a part of the routine.

I also know that this hour does not have to be a full hour dedicated to Kerri. It can be in 15-minute increments. As simple as taking a 15-minute walk in the morning and repeating it at night. Some days it might be a full hour of writing, to keep my mind engaged and my pessimism in check. Just as every hour is really multi-tasking, a hybrid between work, Bridget, household chores and being a wife, this “hour” I am carving out for myself will not be etched in stone, but fluid. Until I create the routine I so desperately need.

Today was day one. I carved one hour of my 18 hours to give, to walk and write.

I did not blink and lose an hour, I found one.

And I promise, to myself, to find another hour tomorrow.