Yard work sucks, wine is better

I hate yard work. Not hate as in wow I really would rather sit with a book kind of hate. But H-A-T-E yard work. If I had my way I would have either woods or a concrete yard. Since when they were putting in our septic they took our woods I have a yard.

I hate the yard.

First there is grass. Okay, not grass. Weeds that are green and look like grass. Except when you mow and then you kick up dust and rocks. Oh and lets not forget the dandelions, that Allie swears are fairy flowers and please stop killing them MOM!

Why am I mowing, you ask? Because Hubs is on another triple and the grass weeds are high enough that I might need to borrow the neighbor’s goats over for dinner. I hear dandelions are good for goats.

Back to my point, yes I have a point. And yes, I have a neighbor with goats. As in plural. She also has sheep and a sheep dog that is afraid of the stairs and the sheep. But I digress.

My point is I hate, HATE, yard work. But there I was on the first hot day of Spring (or in New England summer that began after the last frost) mowing the weeds. Since it is a hot and humid 75 degrees I am wearing the least amount of clothes possible. Much to my neighbor’s dismay.

Why did I choose this day to mow the lawn what passes for our lawn? Because I live on a small road with perfect lawns. Well, perfect except for ours, and I was having a moment of lawn insecurity. Truthfully I have another neighbor, but her lawn is hidden behind the best sledding hill in the state. So I wasn’t feeling inferior there, but the other two?

Not a freaking weed on theirs!

I put the girls in front of the TV, well Boo with her IPAD that is only now used for Austin & Allie at home (she uses it for the real purposes at therapy and school I SWEAR) and did yard work. Freaking yard work.

One neighbor drives by, the one with the hidden yard, we wave and say hi. We chuckle over the fact that our husbands are always “working” so we get stuck with the manly-jobs. Then another neighbor stops and comments on how the beast from hell yard is coming along. Then she says: Don’t you just love yard work? I love being in the garden. She of the perfect lawn, garden and flower yard. If she wasn’t so freaking nice I might hate her. Instead I just envy her lawn.

Me? Nope, I would rather relax with a nice glass of wine.

Instead I am hot, sweaty, dirty, dear God is that a tick on me???? With snot hanging down my nose because hello pollen. Holy crap that was a spider crawling on my arm. Why do there have to be all these bugs? What was God thinking when he created the slug?

But I carried on. I put in the effort. Tried to make something out of weeds then just covered it in mulch. Mulch is good, right? This is what I ended up with: a mowed weed, I mean lawn and some replanted trees in a 2×2 area.

Yes, that is Bailey. The crazy now destructive toddler, no longer a puppy, who is defecating on all my hard work. I gave up at that point and took a shower with a glass of wine.

Yes, I took the glass of wine with me. Because I hate yard work.



10 thoughts on “Yard work sucks, wine is better

  1. Diane Tolley

    Bwahahahaha! I laughed ALL the way through this! I, too mowed my weed patch yesterday. Because I hated walking up to my house in our neighbourhood of 'Better-Homes-And-Gardens' wanna-bes and knowing exactly which yard was mine. Sigh. I told my neighbour that my yard exists just to make his look better. His. That he trims with manicure scissors. Okay, I've never actually seen in, but I'm sure he does . . . Where's that wine?

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  2. Julie Sparks

    OMG, I am cracking up on this too! I LOVE that our 18 yo now does 90% of the yard work. I love when flowers bloom, but that is about it. Personally I would let all the grass die and just have a weed yard, but DH won't let me. He keeps doing stupid stuff like *fertilizing*. I mean, really, why do you want to make the grass grow faster and thicker?!?!?!

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  3. Kristi Campbell

    HAHA! Laughing out loud yet AGAIN because this is truly hilarious. I hate yard work. Recently, our grass got so long that I was waiting for people to show up and start parking their tire-less cars on it. The only reason it finally got mowed was because I got scared about there being even more bugs than usual hiding in that sh!t.
    UGH I'm not sure which is worse – a spider or a tick on your arm. Scary either way…big time scary either way. Your neighbor has goats??? That's kindof cool actually. Unless they are stinky and you can smell them from your yard.
    As if I needed more reasons to adore you – the fact you brought your wine into the shower with you is simply bloddy awesome.

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  4. icansaymama

    OMG this completely cracked me up!! Completely!!! Hahaha! And you know what? I HATE yard work, too, and we have huuuuuge premises with exactly what you described as being your lawn! So, there you have it.

    Oh, and just for the record; although I HATE spiders and they completely freak me out I HATE ticks even more because they are disgusting AND dangerous. So, as much as I hate spiders I would always prefer them from the ticks (but I sure do hope there will never be a situation I have to make that decision!!).

    Do you know “Malcolm in the middle”? The description of your lawn with all the beautiful yards around yours reminded me of how their yard always looked compared to the rest of their neighbourhood! I am still laughing! Thanks, I needed that today! xoxo

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  5. Jessica Sweeney

    Me, too! Thank God my cousin is a landscaper. If I had my way, I would live in a condo and never have to do a bit of yard work. Maybe buy a couple of hanging plants and be done with it. The humidity and allergies kill me, too. No fun.

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  6. Ruchira Khanna

    Well…I must admit I hate the energy that goes into it. But, love it when the plants give me back with their bounties.

    I am waiting up patiently for them to grow and yield a good harvest 🙂

    I am glad you finally enjoyed your glass of wine, Kerri 🙂

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  7. Pingback: Feeling Powerful (it might be the puff paint) | (Un)Diagnosed and still okay

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