Remember I said I would find 10 minutes and signed up for a 5k. If not you can read here to catch up. Okay if you are done laughing we can continue…
The other day I decided I had to start training for that 5k. Two weeks should be enough, right? Since the Bruins kept me up to oh-dark-thirty in triple overtime it wasn’t happening before work. I decided to take an hour personal time before the Boo pick-up and take a practice run.
A 2.2 mile run/walk. What could go wrong?
It started out fine, there I was
rocking jogging to Lady Antebellum when I hit my first obstacle. The fire department. Who drives by? Husband and fellow brothers in the big ass fire truck. Why are they just roaming the streets, shouldn’t they be at the station or saving lives? (Later husband tells me they were on their way back to the station, not just roaming the streets)>
The second obstacle, the hill. Why the hell are there so many hills. Okay driveways that are at an incline, but still it was an incline.
Then the third obstacle, elderly tourists. They get off the tour bus and right onto the sidewalk. You just know you can not run around their walkers. I veer around them trying to ask the gentleman for a hit off his oxygen bottle and continue on. I finish almost mile one (yes, ALMOST mile one) and…
Eat a freaking bug.
In the name of all that is Holy why the Hell are there bugs!!! But I didn’t vomit so point for me. As I am choking I decide to walk. Except I am almost to the fire station. I cannot embarrass myself. Or him. Okay not so much him….So I start running again.
Then I see Mecca, a liquor store. Hello wine…are they doing a tasting? Crap I am supposed to be jogging not drinking. Damn I knew I should have brought
wine cab fare. Carrying on I almost get hit by a car.
Yes a car that obviously never heard of the rule to STOP before turning RIGHT on red. I am pretty sure they were tourists. Mass drivers know the stop, not quite stop but roll, then go. Out of towners? They don’t have the roll down.
But we all survived. Of course I was thinking hey if he hits me the EMT’s will bring something stronger than wine, right? But then the second thought of, well crap I can just imagine the ribbing I will take from my husband and his friends if they have to respond. Okay….
I give up and begin walking. For half of an Adele song, why do I have slow songs on my MP3? And to boot a song that makes me feel like a weak woman rather than a strong one. I finally figure out how to fast forward on an MP3 to Miranda Lambert. Now that is kick-ass jogging music.
I start up again and I make it just before mile two. When Levon by Elton John comes on. Yes, he called his child Jesus. I think that was my reprieve and I started walking again. Jesus walked on water, I can walk on the sidewalk, right?
This is what I learned in my first jog of the year in my hope to go from couch to 5k (without following their program) instead of 5k to couch:
Our town has way too many elderly tourists.
Dunkin donuts is right next door to the police and fire station. Yet my husband never brings home donuts… Coincidence?
There were four liquor stores on my short 2.2 (yes I am counting the .2) mile jog/walk.
I did not stop at one of them so I am either an idiot, a runner or just some one who didn’t bring cash on my run.
Bugs are gross.
I really shouldn’t sing out loud to the MP3 player.
But I did it. I ran 2.2 miles (okay I walked maybe more than the .2), ate a bug and didn’t vomit.
I am on my way to the 5k.
I am laughing so hard right now, Kerri! Thank you so much for giving me my morning chuckle.
HAHAHAHA words cannot describe how much I love this post! Thanks for the laugh, and I love that perseverance!
Hey you are on the way alright 🙂 And I've swallowed flies too, and arrived home to find them stuck all over my face. Nice.
Best of luck with the race x
Go Kerri! Can't wait to hear about your next time out – maybe you'll run right into a huge spiderweb (I've done that, and then ran around like an idiot trying to get it off my face).
This is just hilarious!! Congratulations on lasting out for 2.2 miles with such serious obstacles in your path! 😛
I love this!!!!
You are so damn funny! I want to run with you one day and hit that donut shop too!
This is hilarious!! I snorted while I was reading!! Hahaha!
Decades ago, I used to run 2.5 in the morning and 2.5 in the evening. I was in fit, had a six pack stomach, and could handle anything. Then, I got married and it all went to hell. If you can do it, I applaud you. If not, remember, if you keep a few Hershey's Nuggets in your pocket, you can enjoy chocolate with the protein the bugs provide! Btw, if I were you, I'd stop by the donut shop sometime and let your hubby know about the shop you'd found. It may put a little pressure on him to share. lol Great job!