Twelve years ago today we got a wake-up call. We knew our husbands/wives and sons/daughters had a job that put them in jeopardy. We also knew that we would never make them turn away from their passion.
When I married David I knew that I would be a mistress to his first love, the Fire Department. I envied him his passion for his job. I never really worried about him, although believe me he has given me reason!
Then 9/11 happened. We were engaged and although we are far from NYC he didn’t come home from the station for three days. His brother was deployed from here to go as part of the search and rescue.
I remember that night, looking at the footage and knowing that in a too short span of time we would forget our anguish of that moment. We wouldn’t forget, but we would not have the same camaraderie with strangers at that moment.
The moment when the Towers fell, the ground shook in Pennsylvania and the Pentagon burned.
And at that moment I swore I would never forget that I saw people dying on live TV. But I did. I promised to myself this would not be our Pearl Harbor, only celebrated by the Veterans and those directly affected. But we did.
We moved on with our lives. The footage no longer taking our breaths away or makes us hold a strangers hand in an elevator. We became more suspicious, less gracious. In our house, though, we have not forgotten.
I admit that is probably due to David’s job. I mean, we face 9/11 every day in some shape or form. He also joins every dangerous “team” he can. We know that he might not come home. But we distance ourselves from those thoughts.
So I too, do not have that same visceral feeling to the footage of 9/11. I don’t go to every observance in town anymore. Last year it was attended by less than 25 people. My daughter doesn’t even realize the significance of what happened that day. So it already has become her generation’s Pearl Harbor.
For that I am saddened. Not that I want to remain angry and hurt. Instead I would rather have that same feeling of we are in this world together. We won’t forget the sacrifices of those who ran into the building, who signed up for war, who lost their loved ones.
When I say never forget, it isn’t that our Country was attacked. I never want to forget those who were taken too soon and those left behind.
To the widows, widowers, parents and children of those directly affected by 9/11 I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten the most important victims of that day. And I apologize for only remembering you on the anniversary.
Do you ever feel beautiful? Nope, me either. Jen had the best prompt this week, to make a mix-tape for those you think are beautiful. Okay, not really. The rules state: Make a mix for a friend of songs you think are beautiful. Either because they make you happy, they are musically composed in some way because they are pleasing to you or they just plain make you think…this is beautiful. (that doesn’t always mean happy)
See, I am trying! I even put the rules right up there so you can make sure I paid attention. But then I thought it would be more fun to make a mix-tape that show my friends why they are beautiful. To make it a true mix tape, I have added both in real life and in blog life friends. Well, at this point they are all friends to me.
Added bonus, I get to drive Jen crazy.
Jen gets my first song, because she is beautiful when she gives me the rules of life. She also has the best smile and laugh ever, next to Boo. Jen is just one of those generally nice people whose beauty radiates out. Even when she is laughing at you and not with you.
Kristi gets the second song on my list. She has a smoking hot voice, probably from smoking. The song doesn’t make me think of her, but the video does. Can’t you just see Kristi falling into one of her drawings? She is a superhero in real life and I just know she would save the cute boy from AHA in the end!
Becky gets song number three. Becky has the most beautiful eyes. You know that friend that you don’t have to see often but when you pick up the phone they are there? Becky is probably the most overextended friend I have. She is there for anyone who needs it. Be it a room, a meal or for her to volunteer in every classroom even if her child isn’t in that grade. With Becky you are never alone. And well, those sisters could rock.
Song number four on the playlist is dedicated to Boo’s aides, teachers and therapists. They just radiate beauty. Each one of them shows a beautiful love, affection and determination to make Boo be the best she can be. I believe in my heart that every one of them love Boo as much as she loves them. They have given us the tools we need to be brave.
And the final song for this week’s mix-tape is for Kate who not only shows the beauty of a child with a cleft pallet but she shines a light on something most of us know nothing about. Kate not only opened her heart and her home to children most turn away from, she gives them the world. She also makes me snort my wine, but that’s beside the point.
There are so many others that I think are beautiful. But my goal is to at least follow one rule, so I only picked five. Oh, and Jen? I mess up the linky tool every freaking week! But I am attempting it one more time…but if it’s wrong every one can listen to the Best of tapes.
I know I am not alone in not taking a couple of minutes and realizing I have a least 10 things to be thankful for last week. Except I was so busy I forgot to take the time and missed the link-up. So here we go!
1. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL
2. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and likes her teacher, even if she didn’t get her favorite one
3. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and has a locker that is now bedazzled
4. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and wants to join the 4th grade band
5. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and has only had homework once this week
6. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and I haven’t had to fight with her to dress appropriately
7. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and she has become very clean
8. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and I got to spend a morning alone with Boo
9. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL and I now have control of my radio
10. Allie is BACK IN SCHOOL, did I mention that?
I’m joining Lisa Jo Baker in writing, unedited, for five minutes about a simple prompt. Ready, set….
I saw Red this morning. Literally saw red all over Allie’s indecision on what to wear to school his morning. Remember I said I now I have a tween? Well I seem to have one who was overtired and couldn’t make up her mind. All over a sweater.
First she didn’t like how it felt. That wasn’t good enough for me. See, she just HAD TO HAVE this Selena Gomez designed shirt. In the store I made her feel it since she is the pickiest dresser ever created. Everything has to be just so, the right texture, color, etc… This morning she puts the sweater on and freaks because it is “too tight” and “feels funny”. Nope, you are wearing it I say. She starts complaining, I grab the sweater take it off her and threaten to give it to someone who deserves it.
Yes, I became a mad woman. A horrible mom, one who fell to a nine-year old’s level.
The shirt goes back on because now she wants to wear it. And this went on for 40 minutes. I do, I don’t, I don’t know. All the way to the bus stop.
She is crying. I have a stomach ache. We have upset Boo with our screaming match. We hear the bus and she looked at me and asked do I think her friends can tell she has been crying? I say no, give her a kiss and send her on the bus.
I sent my daughter, the one who makes me laugh minute by minute to school knowing I was upset with her. Instead of being Carole Brady I was a lunatic.
I saw red this morning and I am not proud of myself.
If I had a magic wand I would wave it and take away my doubts. Tonight during Allie’s riding lesson I was pushing Boo around in her chair. We strolled around the barn and fields as Allie got her horse ready and I watched another little girl get her horse. She was small and just a little older than Boo and I began to wonder.
Am I making Boo more handicapped than she is?
Don’t misunderstand me. Boo is definitely intellectually delayed. Physically she has the coordination of a 2-3YO. Boo works really hard at being Boo. But as I watched her in her chair I began to doubt myself. I worried that I was the reason she is delayed.
Quite simply, the chair is easier for me. Out of the chair she tries to get into the horse’s paddock, the practice ring and ewww the horse manure. Fifteen minutes into Allie’s lesson and Boo will be asking to be picked up. Then down again. Then up.
So I take the lazy way out and put her in the chair. I wheel her around visiting the horses and watching the different lessons. I am not teaching Boo boundaries and respectable behavior. I am not holding her to the same standard I would Allie.
I take into consideration Boo’s estimated developmental age and when I compare that to what I expected of Allie at that age I realize I am setting the bar low.I mean really low, like on the ocean floor where only scary monsters live. If I ballpark Boo’s developmental age, at 3-ish Allie was expected to behave in public. She would have to walk next to me in the grocery store and would have to do the 3 bite rule at meal times.
Yet I don’t.
Because it is easier. Because I love holding Boo, even if my left hip aches at the end of the night. Because I am getting great biceps lifting Boo. Because I treasure this moment when she is a mommy’s girl and want it to last forever and a day.
I know that I shouldn’t compare Boo to that little girl at the barn (and this is just one example where I take the easy way out). I should be proud of all Boo has accomplished, more than anyone ever expected. In my heart I know I am holding Boo her own standard, the one that is right for her. It’s in my head that I have doubts and worries.
I worry that I am holding her back. I doubt in my ability to give Boo what she needs. That by taking the easy way out I am not allowing Boo to flourish.
On the upside she didn’t fall into the manure.
This is how I finished the sentence, “If I had a magic wand….” for Finish That Sentence Friday. How would you?
Like sands from the hour glass, so are the days of our lives…
Today Allie is in fourth grade. FOURTH. It is kind of surreal. This is the first year I’ve ever had that “uh-oh” moment. I know, the rest of the real moms out there cried at kindergarten and first grade. Heck you probably cried the first time you put the baby in daycare.
Me? Not so much. Kindergarten was easy because Allie had transitioned from her daycare to preschool to kindergarten all within the same building.
|Look, my little girl first day of Kindergarten with no hair!
First grade I was a little nervous. It was the first time I put Allie on the bus without knowing her teachers, friends and who the parents were. But Allie was so excited, she didn’t even wave to me as she got on the bus.
(there would be a photo here if the child had noticed me as she got on the bus)
This year, for some reason, is different. I noticed the change about a week ago. Allie asked if her skin looked clearer. Ummmmm how does one answer that question? When I said yes (phew right answer) she told me she had washed her face. The conversation went:
ME: You washed your face?
ALLIE: Well, mom you know I’m going into fourth grade. Eventually I have to stop acting like a little girl.
ME: You couldn’t start with brushing your teeth?
Then four days ago the girl started wearing lip gloss. Lip gloss! And started doing her hair. And I mean using shampoo without being threatened and then putting in barrettes and hair bands in her hair.
Two days ago doing the last minute
backpack book bag shopping she started thumbing through a teen magazine at the checkout stand.
FYI this is NOT my cart, just a display
The day before school started she organized her book bag (a messenger bag, goodbye Selena Gomez back-pack), got a mirror and brush for her locker, laid out her dress and boots with gems on them all without being asked.
Once I recovered from the shock I told her it was time to take her shower. She asked if she could get up early for school and shower. Then I can blow dry and curl her hair.
I wonder if my daughter has been a victim of the body snatchers. This is not my girl. Yesterday, the first day of school, Allie got up early. She showered herself and washed her hair, face and everywhere! We blew dry her hair, tried to get a curl into it and she got herself all dolled up with peach lip gloss. It was then I realized….
Holy crap I’ve got a tween.
I don’t think I am the only one who is on summer burnout. Keeping the girls
entertained occupied all summer while working, dealing with working mom guilt and discovering Twitter has sapped my creative energy. On top of it all, my mom was stuck on Facebook games and needed me to give her extra lives.
Then Jen posted an, and I quote, EASY PEASY mix-tape. The best of…
But the best of what? The 80’s (we just did that through the decades). The best you suck songs (done). The best stalker songs (done, wrong week, but it was done). Or should I do the best songs to send your best friend? Again, been there done that.
Jen I need direction! You know with out explicit instructions I get confused and mess up your rules of the mix-tape.
Today is the first day of school for Allie. Yes, she
survived enjoyed the summer! So how about I make a mix tape called…
Best of Allie’s Playlist that I don’t mind listening to.
Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen
Love Story by Taylor Swift (okay, anything by Taylor)
Ready or Not by Bridget Medler
Love you like a love song by Selena Gomez
Cruisin for a bruisin by Ross Lynch
This is my dance floor by Bella Thorne and Zendaya
Okay, probably should have warned you that Allie is addicted to the Disney Channel. Here’s the thing, I told you she was in Fourth Grade…..but I apologize that you now have Call Me Maybe stuck in your head.
On the other hand, you should be happy that I don’t let Allie listen to Miley Cyrus ever since Hannah Montana stopped wearing underwear.
What is on your best of mix tape? Join me over at My Skewed View and get on the ultimate DJ’s playlist. It’s not so easy peasy, though.