We are at a strange time. A time when most of Bridget’s typical peers are doing typical things. It is some days difficult to see my friend’s social media posts about their children, balanced by how happy I am for their child’s accomplishments.

Homecoming, for instance. My friend’s daughters are gearing up for homecoming, with dress decisions, boy decisions, deciding what events to go to. Bridget’s homecoming was a walk around her school and a bounce house. There might be a homecoming dance, but she will not get asked by a boy. She will not drive with friends or be dropped off by a parent. My friend’s daughters will get dressed and do their glam together. There will be laughter and oh my gosh moments. A typical father will wrestle with his little girl in a too short dress going to an unsupervised dance with a boy he thinks he could probably still arm wrestle, but not for much longer. A special needs father will dance with his daughter and make sure no one asks his little girl to dance.

The typical parent and the special needs parent will repeat this process in the Spring during Prom season.

The same, homecoming. But yet so different.

In our area, in Junior High students can begin making choices for where they will spend their high school years. This is usually when a special needs parent makes the most difficult choice between inclusion or a dedicated special needs school. For the typical student there is a process. Do they meet X criteria? Did they win the lottery for the most desired school in the district? For the special needs student it is a similar, but more convoluted process. First, unlike the typical student who can do school choice the special needs child needs permission to even begin looking at alternatives. Once the district is in agreement, the district not the parent has the ultimate decision on where this child will attend school. The schools that are dedicated to special needs also have criteria before even interviewing the student. They look at medical records (are they too fragile?). They look at IEP accommodations and how independent they are. They look at academic testing and IQ results. Yes, believe it or not in the special needs school there are IQ thresholds that may determine where this child can even apply. Each parent, the special needs one and the typical one will go through moments of heart-crushing disappointment and hope to have that moment of YES this is where my child will succeed.

Then the process is repeated, for the typical parent at graduation and the special needs parent when their child ages out of the school system the day before their 22nd birthday.

The same, yet different.

The typical teenager will get their first job. The special needs teen will work vocationally within their school day.

The typical teenager will play school sports. The special needs teen will participate in Special Olympics.

The same, yet different.

From there, as these teens age, the difference between that typical child and special needs child becomes greater.

The typical child will get their driver’s license. The special needs child will ride in the front seat.

The typical child will go into the workforce, the military or higher education. The special needs child will remain in their high school building.

The typical child leaves the nest. The special needs child will not.

Both children will be celebrated for their success and supported in their missteps.

The same, but just in different ways.