I never thought I would have a home. A true home. I always wanted one. I wanted someone to say Good Night John Boy. I wanted a place that would never be taken away, that would be safe and whole. Where people stayed. Not for a few months or years before moving because we needed to go NOW without a plan or a safety net.
Just a home, one where there was laughter and sunshine.
I never thought I would get it. I didn’t trust it when I fell in love. I think I fell in love with David first for the safety and then for the man. And I do love him, but I love the home we have made. I remember when we were building our house. I called it a house and didn’t want to be on the deed. I didn’t trust it. Then he said, if I loved him–if I trusted him, it would be a home.
And it is.
My home is just five minutes away, it is where we are raising our girls. Providing them the foundation I never had. They never feel unsafe or that they can’t make true friends because who knows what town/state/apartment/house/someones couch they will be sleeping on. Abby wants people to visit. She wants to have her friends come to our home.
Because she feels safe, because I feel safe and loved and secure.
When I first met David I thought, this is a man I could trust. I learned though, over time (with my name on the deed) that it isn’t about the house.
It’s about the family. It’s knowing that he is always 5 minutes away. That he is my home. And someday when Abby is grown we will probably sell this house, we will downsize and reassess what we want in this life.
Because with him, it’s not about the house. Home is where ever we are holding hands and laughing and loving.
I never knew when I was younger that the home I wished so desperately for wasn’t four walls, but the hand holding mine.
This stream of consciousness was brought to you by the lovely Kristi of Finding Ninee who today hosted Finish that Sentence Friday with a twist: 5 minutes of just writing with the prompt “Home”. You cannot edit afterwards, you cannot change any words. I admit after reading her post, about going home again I thought my post would be different. But that’s what’s great about just writing without editing. You never know where your keyboard will take you. For me, it was about acknowledging I am no longer fearful. I no longer worry about home.
I tend not to write about David. He doesn’t read this blog and it doesn’t seem fair. But when you free write for five minutes, you never know where your thoughts will take you. For me, it was that day we met 22 years ago today being the two shortest players on the volley ball rec team. Then he promised to never leave almost 16 years ago when we created our family.
And he’s still making me smile.