Bridget has outlasted most physicians, therapists and teachers in her short life. With her most recent health struggles, I have begun to observe there is a difference between a Doctor and a doctor.

A doctor sees the diagnosis. A doctor treats the disease, not the patient. A doctor is on a schedule, barely knows your history and rushes through your appointment to the next patient.

Bridget has had a few of those. I call them the “Harvard Docs” who think their degree trumps her will or my momma-warrior gut. The ones that do not take the time to even look at her medical history or when they do they stop at a few years. They treat the body part they specialize in, not the whole child.

There was that one doctor who I will never forgive, who told us Bridget would never.

There is that one neurosurgeon who I had to remind without patients like Bridget, he would not be able to afford that ski vacation depicted in the photos all over his office so he could give me a freaking minute to digest the fact that my 3yo (at the time) would need spinal surgery after just learning to freaking walk. (Okay, 13 years later I should probably let that one go!)

Then there are the Doctors and Nurse Practitioners.

The Doctor/NP truly cares about the patient. Not that they are facing a disease, but how that disease impacts their entire quality of life. The Doctor/NP tells this mom that Bridget has fought too hard to walk, talk and be a part of her community to let PACS1 and catatonia take that from her. The Doctor/NP doesn’t look at behavior and judge your child (or your parenting skills) but does truly investigative work to find out what changes are happening and why.

With Bridget’s most recent diagnosis, I was already overwhelmed and worried does not fully capture the roller coaster of emotions. She now has three new doctors, and this is how I came to realize the true difference.

The new Doctor answers emails within 15 minutes of me sending them, even if it is at 8pm. The new Doctor calls to “check in”. He emails me and will say “our next appointment isn’t for a week, but remember to contact me if you need me before then” or “how did Bridget’s spinal tap go today? Did she have any anxiety going back to the hospital?”

Bridget’s primary-NP sat with us for over 45 minutes to strategize how to help our family through her struggles. She questioned why we did not have a complex care nurse from her practice in contact with us, and the next day arranged a phone call to see what additional support they could help arrange for Bridget. She admits that she does not know enough about this newest diagnosis but starts researching it to be a resource for us.

Bridget’s Doctor of all Doctors, her neurologist never disregarded my concerns, found time in her schedule to see Bridget with just a few days’ notice (anyone who has tried to schedule a Children’s Hospital follow-up knows that you are lucky to get back in within six months. So, to be seen within 3 days is a freaking miracle. Then during her inpatient admission, found us in the MRI suite to make sure we were doing okay. Then this Doctor attends one of Bridget’s appointments with the new specialist to provide not only her insight but her institutional knowledge of all things Bridget. She works with this new team, without ego or compensation.

The Anesthesiologist who never gets repeat patients, remembered Bridget from her Achillies tendon surgery a few years back, then her MRI last month. Last week when Bridget returned for a spinal tap, this Doctor remembered Bridget and that she gets upset as they wheel her out of the pre-op pr post op when they wake her without me. This Doctor not only made sure to talk to Bridget (like a person!) but then turned to her assistant and explained that Bridget needed help to relax before leaving me and what she would need when they begin to wake her.

Then I think back to when Bridget was only 3 years old and her GI Doctor happened to be at a conference and whatever session she was attending made her think of Bridget. We were not scheduled to see her for another 4 months, but she called and told me about this new idea that constipation could be caused by a tethered spinal cord. Thanks to her due diligence, Bridget’s cord issue was found early and not years later when significant damage would have been done.

What I have found, especially after the past few months, is that this world needs more Doctors/NPs and not just doctors who have let the healthcare system change them from idealists to paperwork-driven/cover-my-ass so insurance companies pay driven.

Bridget has been beyond lucky to Doctors and Nurse Practitioners that truly care for her as a person. This team of Specialists that but the person first, the diagnosis second are truly special. They look at the whole child, not the body part they specialize in.

Thankfully these Doctors/NPs outnumber those that have lost the reason why they entered this profession.

If I could ever attend an M&M rounds/Physician seminar this is what I would like to impart:

There are days that work sucks. You are understaffed. You are beholden to the Insurance companies and healthcare system that have monetized your profession. Instead of treating patients, you are working to justify their treatment to someone without your knowledge, education or experience. You are dealing with sick patients and family members that are probably overwhelmed and financially strained. You are working with a class of people at their lowest and most vulnerable times.

You have a choice, heal with compassion or treat with your medical degree.

They both pay the same, but only one will reward you.