When I first started blogging I was a little nervous about the world of blog. Who would I meet, how much should I share, would anyone even read my ramblings? I also wondered on the fairness of outing my children’s lives. Was it fair to them to tell the world that they are awesome but have bad days? Is it my place to tell some one in Australia (no offense, Bron!) that Allie had a bad day at school or that Boo had a meltdown?
Also, my husband think the internet is the devil and Facebook it’s spawn. That probably colored my thinking.
However I knew that Boo’s experiences were important to share. I knew that OUT THERE I would find some one, any one, who had the same what the heck am I doing approach to life. Turns out I first met Kristi and then Joy and then a host of other characters (admit it, you are all characters). You don’t have to have a child, or a child with special needs, I just knew that I could reach out and help just one person not have to go through the uncertainty I lived through. I also hoped I would find some one out there that would tell me THIS is what Boo has, THIS is why she is so delayed.
Hey, if the science isn’t there the community might be.
If I touched just one person this blog would have been worth it. But I didn’t touch one person, I made connections with so many that this blog evolved into something more. More than Boo. More than a Mom who suffered from holy crapness. More than the tale of how Allie’s love for Boo transcends and teaches others that sometimes a person is just a person and all the labels in the world do not matter.
I found an extended community and began to feel weird that I wasn’t reaching out to those who love and actually know us if they saw us in the grocery store.
Then I decided to come out of the blogging closet. If felt wrong somehow to be hiding Boo’s accomplishments and stumbles from those who could have immediate impact. Her therapists, her friends, her family, her teachers. The people who might read this blog and say “Hey Kerri let’s try this….”
What I never imagined, though, is that I would actually meet my virtual friends or that real life friends would start calling them Allie and Boo.
I know most of you have guessed that Boo isn’t her real name but neither is Allie. Boo came from when she was in the NICU and I used to say, I know you have a Boo Boo but I am going to make it better (yep, I thought I was all knowing back then). Boo was my secret name for Bridget because in my heart I knew she was more than the Boo Boo. I knew that she would be awesome and spectacular. I would whisper to her, you are my Boo. Maybe not perfect in the conventional way but in the mom way. I love you and will cherish every moment of the time you are with me. This was before I realized she would survive the NICU. It was also during the moment when a NICU nurse asked me her name and I spaced. In my defense I was working on having a C-section 4 days before and about an hour sleep since then. I remembered the little girl in the Monsters Movie, Boo. She was afraid but not only overcame her fear she kicked butt. Bridget became my Boo. If she could be brave at just a week old, I could suck it up. When I created this blog Boo was the natural name to call her.
Allie though, was different. Allie was Bridget’s approximation of her name. I know, I should have chosen Sunflower so that you would know that is not her real name. But I never imagined a time when one of you would meet her in person. I was trying to protect her identity and her privacy, to some extent.
But then I came out and someone called her Allie. She was kind of like, my name is….Then I met Kate and she gave me a weird look when I was telling a story to her Joe and realized I had never clued her in that Allie’s real name is something different.
I asked Kate what she thought about me coming all the way out with the girl’s names. She said that I have such an honest blog that it would be natural for me to use them. But that I would have some explaining to do! After all I use mine and David’s real name. I put everything out there, the good the bad the ugly and trust all of you not to judge but to offer advice and support. Why wouldn’t I trust you with the girl’s names?
So as of today, I may still call Bridget Boo. Sorry it is just kind of natural for me. But Allie will be her own person, just as she is in real life.
Friends, let me introduce you to Abigail or as she likes to be called Abby. The best big sister Boo could ask for and she is kind of a cool if sarcastic daughter as well.
(Un)Diagnosed and still okay 