Since life is beyond crazy I am taking 5 minutes out of my day to write. Just write with a one word prompt: Truth
Ready, set, go….
We teach our children to tell the truth and then we promptly lie to them. We tell them to believe in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Great Pumpkin.
We tell our children that everyone is accepting. We tell them that they are not supposed make fun of people. And then we chuckle as we watch a person with CP stumble.
We tell our children to be grateful for what they have and then strive to keep up with the neighbors.
We tell our children to hurry up already and mature. And then we cry when they no longer believe.
We tell our children to dream big and forget to tell them that it takes more than just wishes to make dreams come true.
We let our children believe that their parents are perfect and then they watch us fail at keeping the truth.
The truth is difficult and hard to do. As a parent I find I stumble, a lot, with truth. I want my girls to believe for as long as possible in their dreams. I want to be that perfect parent, the one that doesn’t fail.
And I am so sorry that it takes having a child of your own to learn how to forgive your parents for their mistakes in trying to teach you truth.
End.
Author Archives: firebailey
Hungry
I have been hungry.
I have been homeless. Not once or twice.
I am so incredibly lucky because now I am in a place in my life that I know that unless the world goes completely askew my children will never know what it is like to go without M&M’s.
It sounds stupid. But unless you have ever been hungry or homeless M&M’s on the counter mean you are safe and secure.
I have good parents. Not great. They are human. My mom did the best she could for us. She made sacrifices even to this day I might not know about. But I remember being young and scared and wondering why I was in this hell hole. I blamed her for things that were beyond her control.
As a mom I now know she did the very best she could. God, I hope she isn’t reading this post. Seriously I love her and she was awesome. I just didn’t appreciate it at 12 and homeless.
I remember thinking life wasn’t worth living. I am so glad I was wrong. I am so freaking glad that my mom was strong and kept our family together despite all odds.
Today there are over 600,000 people who are homeless. There are so many people who are hungry. Scary Mommy has started a program called “The Thanksgiving Project“. Her goal is that no family should go Thanksgiving without a meal. Our Church is doing a food drive to the same end. But this is real and timely and more importantly needed.
Have you ever forgone a meal so your child could eat? My mom did. I did so my siblings could. Being hungry, frankly sucks.
Today you have a choice. To give to a family in need. 100% of the proceeds directly goes to a family. Your donation is 100% tax-deductible. If you don’t do this, do something locally. I know times are tough. This economy is awful, we are without jobs and scrimping our pennies to get by. Look through your cabinets and decide what you can give to your local food pantry.
We are not hungry. At least I am not. So I am sponsoring a family this year. It is not even November 6th and they have more families than donors. Currently there are 238 families on the wait list.
What are you eating this Thanksgiving?
Dealer’s Choice
Jen was obviously tired of dealing with me, so she gave us a Mix-tape directive of “Dealer’s Choice”. Hmmmmm how can I mess with her? Since I am the dealer, I guess whatever I say goes.
But I think dealer’s choice equals gambling. And you cannot be a Gambler without a little Kenny.
Rogers that is.
Yes, another Muppets Video. Only in the 70’s could you get away with gambling on a kid’s show. Jim Henson rocked.
Funny, most Gambling songs are Country. And we know how much Jen and Kristi enjoy country. Mr. Brooks had a take what happens when you gamble in love.
Yes, beyond corny. But well it is Garth. How can anyone named Garth not be corny?
Okay, not Garth. But can you believe there was a show called Hee Haw and it was on for over 20 freaking years. That is real years, not redneck years.
Moving on….another great dealer’s choice song is a throw back and back to rock. Steely Dan, well they were no other words but great.
How can you go wrong with a little ABBA?
Okay, a lot of ABBA you need an intervention. But a little goes a long way.
Last but certainly not least on this Dealer’s choice I mix-up this mix-tape with some AC/DC. Except I couldn’t find an AC/DC video so I went with the Joker by Steve Miller Band. Not quite the same, but still a gambler’s dream.
Now be honest, do you think this is what Jen meant by Dealer’s Choice?
Just buy a painted house
Remember I wrote about Abby and David doing a word problem? It went like this:
Bob has 3 apples. Susan has 9 more apples than Bob. If Susan has 20 apples how many does Bob have?
David: 3
Abby: I have no idea.
Me: 11
David: No, he has 3 it says it right THERE. This is a trick question!
Last night we watched the movie Little Big League. For all you suffering from 4th grade math homework (or heck any homework) this one’s for you!
It’s the way it’s the motion
Boo is addicted to the movie Grease. It started out innocently enough. We were tired of listening to Disney Christmas Specials. Then we realized she was fast forwarding to just the music parts.
David had the bright idea of Grease. We liked the music and we would be expanding her tastes. We did not take into account that Abby would be watching the movie or that we would have to explain a hickey from Kinicki.
Earlier this week Boo kept repeating the scene that featured Beauty School Dropout. After she shouted HOOKER I started listening to the lyrics. Yes, mom of the year probably should have done this BEFORE downloading the movie. In my defense, I recalled my mother taking me at age 7 to see the movie in the theater. I even remember that we went while on vacation on Cape Cod. How bad could it be?
For those unfamiliar with the movie, and God bless you, Frenchie wishes for a guardian angel to tell her what to do. Instead of getting the Fairy Godmother from Cinderella she ends up with the least supportive angel ever created: Frankie Avalon.
Here are some of his pearls of wisdom:
Most mixed-up non-delinquent on the block. (Um, I think he means that as a compliment)
Why keep your feeble hopes alive? (Yup, way to motivate)
If you go for your diploma, you can join a steno pool. (Okay, he is giving career advice.)
You think you are such a looker. No customer would go to you unless she was a hooker. (Boo’s favorite line)
(Wait it gets better)
You’re not cut out to hold a job. (Hey wait a second Frankie you said I could join the steno pool!)
His only advice that is still applicable to today’s teens:
Now friends, before I go boring you with the double entendres (and hey not so subtle references to a kitty cat wagon) of Grease Lightening help a mother out! I need a new movie for the girl. Based on Boo’s viewing habits, I believe these are the requirements:
- It has to be more music than dialogue.
- It has to be live-action, not animated.
- The music should be more upbeat than sad. She will watch Hopelessly Devoted (much to my mother’s dismay–she ruined Grandma’s favorite song) but loves We go Together.
David’s one request: something with a lot of pre-90’s music. He doesn’t believe there has been a true music since Journey, REO Speedwagon or the Who. Don’t get him started on boy bands.
Lastly,
It has to be something that won’t make me teach Abby sex-ed. That’s why she will take health class. Okay, not a Boo requirement but help a mother out.
My request is much more imperative than David’s in case you were wondering.
Would you CARE?
It’s the last day of the 31 for 21 Challenge. I didn’t really make the goal of blogging everyday. However I was beyond happy to participate. As this is the last day I was thinking about Robert Saylor. How this young man with Down Syndrome lost his life because those who are there to protect were not trained to work with those whom have special needs.
Because while you might be aware of Down Syndrome you might not really understand it.
Then last week I read an article about the C.A.R.E. program. C.A.R.E. stands for Children and Residents Encounter program. It is the brainchild of the Colerain, OH police department. To my understanding, this program is designed to educate emergency personnel to those within their community with special needs. Be it Alzheimer’s, autism, mental health issues or behavioral issues.
Colerain has an estimated 1 out of every 150 residents on the autism spectrum. Chances are pretty great that at one point the emergency personnel will come into contact with a person who has special needs.
C.A.R.E. is a program where the family gives the emergency personnel information regarding the child’s (or adult) health and mental issues. The parent provides detailed information: are they on a monitor, do they have anger issues, what medication are they on, do they elope, what if anything do the police need to know if they are responding to your home or anyplace in town where that person might be in need of assistance.
Just think, if the police had known about Robert he might have lived. They would have been aware of his triggers, known he had Down Syndrome and been trained to deal with a person who has diminished capacity.
Yes, apologies to all the parents I just offended, but our children have diminished capacity and do not understand that their behavior has unintended consequences. Sadly, neither are the first responders always educated.
One argument against C.A.R.E. is that we are giving up our children’s privacy. Do you really want your neighbor who listens to the police scanner (my MIL) know that your child is suffering from (insert your child’s diagnosis here). Heck, I do it everyday here on this blog! But I see their point. Some parents are not “out” they don’t want the neighborhood to know that their child is autistic or bipolar or clinically depressed.
But in an emergency does privacy matter? If your child has suicidal tendencies wouldn’t you want the first responders to know? If your child is prone to throwing lamps in anger wouldn’t you want the first responders not to respond with force but with patience and kindness? If you child is deaf and does not hear the police say stop as they run in fear would you like them not to use force?
If you were Robert’s mom wouldn’t you have wanted the police to know that her child didn’t understand why he couldn’t just rewatch the movie? While I have never met Ms. Saylor I can imagine her anguish.
Upon learning about the C.A.R.E. program, I reached out to our local police and fire departments. I asked them about signing onto the program, or a similar idea. I explained how the Ohio police department minimized training costs and related expenses. They replied that this was one of their long-term goals.
Which I appreciate.
But I want more. I don’t want a goal I want a program. I want our police and fire to have a card on Boo. I want them to know her name, what she looks like and how to react should they encounter her during one of her eloping episodes.
Screw her privacy. Her life is more important.
To be preachy, so should your child’s. Forget their privacy or your embarrassment. Contact your local police and fire departments. Tell them about C.A.R.E. or another program that will protect everyone. If that doesn’t work, tell them about your child! Tell them you have a child in your home that has special needs and they NEED to have this information.
Think of Izzy and her mom, whom the area hospital knew and still couldn’t protect.
Think of your child and their temper tantrums. When they are out of control and you are doing the best you can but the neighbors call the cops to protect you.
Think of your child who climbs or wanders and the new neighbors do not understand that your daughter is autistic and does not realize they cannot swim in any pool they come across.
Think of your son who is manic depressive and might encounter emergency personnel during one of his psychotic breaks.
Truthfully, the neighbors and police and EMS are not wrong. When faced with an out of control person or a child that looks much older than they are developmentally, they have no other thought than to protect those in control. They will try to reason or restrain with compassion. But in fear for themselves and those around them they will also respond with force.
It is not anyone’s fault. Not your neighbor’s for calling the police, not the police for seeing an out of control person and trying to restrain them, not your child’s fault for having a disability and not your fault either. Ultimately we need to protect our children and those they come into contact. I think C.A.R.E. is a great start.
Think of Robert and know that could be your child.
Screw privacy and think protection.
In Robert’s Memory and in Respect for a mother’s grief I end this month of Down Syndrome awareness in their honor.
The truth about Allie and Boo
When I first started blogging I was a little nervous about the world of blog. Who would I meet, how much should I share, would anyone even read my ramblings? I also wondered on the fairness of outing my children’s lives. Was it fair to them to tell the world that they are awesome but have bad days? Is it my place to tell some one in Australia (no offense, Bron!) that Allie had a bad day at school or that Boo had a meltdown?
Also, my husband think the internet is the devil and Facebook it’s spawn. That probably colored my thinking.
However I knew that Boo’s experiences were important to share. I knew that OUT THERE I would find some one, any one, who had the same what the heck am I doing approach to life. Turns out I first met Kristi and then Joy and then a host of other characters (admit it, you are all characters). You don’t have to have a child, or a child with special needs, I just knew that I could reach out and help just one person not have to go through the uncertainty I lived through. I also hoped I would find some one out there that would tell me THIS is what Boo has, THIS is why she is so delayed.
Hey, if the science isn’t there the community might be.
If I touched just one person this blog would have been worth it. But I didn’t touch one person, I made connections with so many that this blog evolved into something more. More than Boo. More than a Mom who suffered from holy crapness. More than the tale of how Allie’s love for Boo transcends and teaches others that sometimes a person is just a person and all the labels in the world do not matter.
I found an extended community and began to feel weird that I wasn’t reaching out to those who love and actually know us if they saw us in the grocery store.
Then I decided to come out of the blogging closet. If felt wrong somehow to be hiding Boo’s accomplishments and stumbles from those who could have immediate impact. Her therapists, her friends, her family, her teachers. The people who might read this blog and say “Hey Kerri let’s try this….”
What I never imagined, though, is that I would actually meet my virtual friends or that real life friends would start calling them Allie and Boo.
I know most of you have guessed that Boo isn’t her real name but neither is Allie. Boo came from when she was in the NICU and I used to say, I know you have a Boo Boo but I am going to make it better (yep, I thought I was all knowing back then). Boo was my secret name for Bridget because in my heart I knew she was more than the Boo Boo. I knew that she would be awesome and spectacular. I would whisper to her, you are my Boo. Maybe not perfect in the conventional way but in the mom way. I love you and will cherish every moment of the time you are with me. This was before I realized she would survive the NICU. It was also during the moment when a NICU nurse asked me her name and I spaced. In my defense I was working on having a C-section 4 days before and about an hour sleep since then. I remembered the little girl in the Monsters Movie, Boo. She was afraid but not only overcame her fear she kicked butt. Bridget became my Boo. If she could be brave at just a week old, I could suck it up. When I created this blog Boo was the natural name to call her.
Allie though, was different. Allie was Bridget’s approximation of her name. I know, I should have chosen Sunflower so that you would know that is not her real name. But I never imagined a time when one of you would meet her in person. I was trying to protect her identity and her privacy, to some extent.
But then I came out and someone called her Allie. She was kind of like, my name is….Then I met Kate and she gave me a weird look when I was telling a story to her Joe and realized I had never clued her in that Allie’s real name is something different.
I asked Kate what she thought about me coming all the way out with the girl’s names. She said that I have such an honest blog that it would be natural for me to use them. But that I would have some explaining to do! After all I use mine and David’s real name. I put everything out there, the good the bad the ugly and trust all of you not to judge but to offer advice and support. Why wouldn’t I trust you with the girl’s names?
So as of today, I may still call Bridget Boo. Sorry it is just kind of natural for me. But Allie will be her own person, just as she is in real life.
Friends, let me introduce you to Abigail or as she likes to be called Abby. The best big sister Boo could ask for and she is kind of a cool if sarcastic daughter as well.
So scary it’s good
Last week I totally messed with Jen and the Spirits. This week her directions were quite clear:
This week’s topic for our Halloween week is Scary songs. You may take full liberty with this topic my friends. Scary because of the content? The appearance of the performer or the song is just that darn bad. Or maybe you have some definition I haven’t thought of yet. Get on it. I wanna know why those songs scare you!
Full liberty? HA! I am so taking her up on that and not reading the rest of the directions. Scary got me to thinking how the kids of today have no idea what music is, and that is freaking scary. They are too involved with how the look or sound. Personally I don’t even think they listen to the lyrics.
If they did they would realize that all Rhianna does is repeat the same verse over and over again. Say Nah Nah, what’s my name….
But my friends who are not teeny-boppers, we know music that would scare the pants back onto Miley Cyrus. Singers that wrote their own music and it made sense. The fact that they also could never be featured on Teen Beat adds to their cred. Is Teen Beat still a magazine?
These are the scary artists that should make the “artists” of today shake with fear.
The ULTIMATE Harry Chapin.
Let’s face it, he had the face only a mother could love. Or a gold digger. But his songs? They moved you. They made you think. He was the ultimate storyteller. And you were willing to listen to the story over and over again even though you knew that Harry would leave Sally at her door.
The INCREDIBLE Jim Croce
You never messed with Leroy Brown and you didn’t mess around with Jim. His song Operator still brings chills to my arms. Can you see Justin Timberlake making a song that could last over 4 minutes and you didn’t change the station?
The BODACIOUS Heart. Can you imagine Nancy or Ann Wilson on the cover of a teen magazine? Those girls could kick Lady GaGa’s bare butt on the powerhouse Nancy’s vocal ability. Added to Ann’s guitar playing? In an era when girls really didn’t play instruments (yes, before the dawn of time I am that old). They are Scary Women indeed and they could go crazy on your Baracudda. Rich would probably enjoy that….
The POWERFUL Crosby, Stills & Nash (and sometimes Young). Look at David Crosby. Yes, I know he is rumored to be the father of Melissa Etheridge’s children. Stephen Stills, um so not the handsome man. Neil Young? That is one scary dude. The saving face of CSN was John Nash. But that aside can you see the tweens swooning to Southern Cross or understanding the impact of their lyrics? That Chicago was more than a city and Ohio more than a state. These men believed in their words and used it to educate us all.
The LARGER THAN LIFE Queen. I’m going to say it here. Freddie Mercury was a ROCK GOD. The fact that Fat Bottom Girls would be a rap or country song today is just some of the magic that is Queen. Yes, their music is often used in movies and music today. But only because it is incredible. It lives on. But if Queen started out today? They kids just wouldn’t appreciate the talent. Trust me on this one. As I am writing this post Allie looked over my shoulder and asked: Who’s that? I explained, she said yeah I don’t really like that song. You can’t dance to it.
Kids, no appreciation. Yes, dancing music is nice. But songs are supposed to be more than a manufactured dance. They are supposed to move you.
Lastly in the spirit of Halloween (and probably Jen’s true intent) the DIABOLICAL Alice Cooper. Not only did he scare the crap out of my parents when I went through a “phase” he could probably make Bieber crap his pants. Although I remember him on the Muppets so I will always have a soft spot. Hmmm maybe he wasn’t so scary after all!
This mix to scare young people was brought to you by the ultimate DJ Jen and her crazy cohort in music crime Kristi.
Does God make mistakes?
This morning’s conversation after being late for school:
Allie: Mom, who made up the days of the week?
Me: Um…God
Allie: Well, he made a mistake.
Me: Um….really? I’m not sure God does that.
Allie: Well, obviously he did make a mistake. There are not enough days between Friday afterschool and Monday morning. He put in too many work days!
October Thanks
This week it is (again) easy to give THANKS. That is capital letter thanks, mind you. It’s been a very busy week let alone weekend.
10. My friend R answered my call, well text, this week. David was supposed to race with me this weekend. However he had some excuse called work. I have never raced alone so I asked R to go with me. And she did! We had a great day together.
9. “R” accomplished her goal of finishing a 5K in under 30 minutes! She wasn’t expecting to do it today. Woo Hoo I was so glad to see her smile as she crossed that finish line. ‘
8. After the race I convinced “R” to go to attended the free after race celebration. We had a great hour just chatting.
7. The family was a plus 4 to another friend’s Halloween party invitation. It was a costume party and I am not quite sure who had more fun, the adults or the children.
6. We all wore costumes, even Boo. She was the child in PJ’s who should have been in bed. Also known as the one kid whose mother was smart enough not to attempt a costume that she would have to put into a car seat.
5. Boo showed everyone how to twerk.
(apologies, still haven’t figured out how to import videos from my phone. To see Boo twerking visit her Facebook page!)
4. We had a great time at Allie’s school Halloween celebration.
3. My mother-in-law watched the girls so R and I could do the 5k.
2. Crafty Auntie K did the pumpkin carving with Allie and Boo so I didn’t have to ruin another Halloween.
1. The true heroes of the world showed us the true meaning of bravery and what it means to ROAR. Thanks to the children, parents and staff of Dartmouth-Hitchcock Hospital Medical Center in Lebanon, NH for making my week.
Now it’s your turn. Tell me what you are thankful for this week. After looking at those kids out rock Katy Perry I am sure you can think of just one thing this week to be thankful!





