Monthly Archives: June 2013

I hit a turning point in my life when I…

Growing up sometimes sucks. You have to grow up at different points in your life. First you have to learn to tie your shoes and you learn you can no longer depend on your mom doing everything for you. As you get older you learn there are times to lean, times to cry and times to put your big girl panties on.

I hit a turning point in my life when I accepted Boo’s undiagnosis (yes, I just made up my own word). When Boo was first in the NICU we didn’t really think past let our baby live. It was on her second admission at just a month old that I began asking, “what was wrong with my child”.

I wanted to know the why so I could know the outcome. I needed answers so I would know how to “fix” Boo. I wanted a manual on how to make her “better”. I felt it was “unfair” that she had some unknown genetic abnormality. That she didn’t fit the mold of any diagnosis, disease or syndrome.

And four years later, I still feel guilty for my poor choice of words.

From her pediatrician to her neurologist to her genetics physician I would demand answers and be told: you may never have the answers. Just keep doing what you are doing, eventually the science will be there to help Boo. Notice they said help, not fix.

I don’t know when exactly, I put my big girl panties on and stopped focusing on “why” or “fixing”. It took too much time and too many admissions. Boo was put through so much testing. Necessary, but painful testing. Heartbreaking testing that gave us more questions than answers.

At some point I hit a turning point and I just accepted Boo’s undiagnosis. I stopped using Google as a diagnostic tool. I began accepting this life as a mom of a special child. I still carry on with doctors, therapy and special programs. I advocate for awareness. I have Boo “on display” so others will be invested in her life. Because someday the science will be there to tell us why Boo works harder than most children.

Yes, the why is still important but not the most important detail of my day.

And when I hit that turning point? That was the day I began living life to it’s fullest with Boo.

This is how I hit a turning point in my life to Finish that Sentence Friday. What was your turning point?

Finish the Sentence Friday

The day we tortured Boo

We are surrounded by the ocean/beach. How we had Boo, a child terrified of sand and all that is beach is still a mystery to us. But we are determined to make her a beach bum. Every summer we take her and in the beginning it is horrible. But last year for the first time Boo stood on the sand! It took crocks, socks and a pretzel stick. But she did it!

It took a lot of work for her, but we were all so proud. This year Boo walked on the grass so I (mistakenly) thought she was ready for the beach. Sure she freaked out at home when I took her socks off and made her walk barefoot. But it will be great, right? We put the girls in the jeep and drove onto the beach.

Big mistake. I swear it was the windiest day of the year. Boo did not handle it well. The poor thing whimpered for an hour. We tried everything. Including hiding her under a blanket.

Unfortunately we choose the windiest day of the year for her first attempt. It was so bad a friend left because her husband was being so cranky! At one point we looked down the beach and thought it was fog, but nope it was sand from the dunes.

You can see her trying to be brave. She was watching Allie have fun and but didn’t realize Allie was having fun. She thought the waves were hurting her sister.

But in the end, after about an hour, we finally gave in and packed up to go home. All we heard was “I no like” (hey a sentence). Once in the jeep life was calmer. For the first time she didn’t panic in the jeep at the beach.

So progress was made.

Then today we got the notice that the beach is closed through most of July due to some endangered birds. Apparently birds take precedence over summer fun.

I think if Boo realized the reprieve the birds gave her she would do a happy dance.

This one is for Syd….

Boo has the most terrific aides at school. All of them, quite honestly, are the best of the best. She has transitioned to as new staff come on board. She has not had one bad aide yet.

Today she is missing one of them though. Syd has been out of school for almost a month. She is one of the nicest, funniest and caring people we know. She recently told me that reading the blog makes her day since she cannot see her kids every day.

So, Syd this is for you!

Here is wishing Syd a speedy recovery and get well sooner rather than later. Your Boo needs you 🙂

Oh and this once again proves I am not crafty, right? But I am still going to ask you to vote for me. It is super easy. All you have to do is hit the link below and then click “like” with Facebook.  If you have already “liked” me, thanks. Sadly, you can only like me once.

Yard work sucks, wine is better

I hate yard work. Not hate as in wow I really would rather sit with a book kind of hate. But H-A-T-E yard work. If I had my way I would have either woods or a concrete yard. Since when they were putting in our septic they took our woods I have a yard.

I hate the yard.

First there is grass. Okay, not grass. Weeds that are green and look like grass. Except when you mow and then you kick up dust and rocks. Oh and lets not forget the dandelions, that Allie swears are fairy flowers and please stop killing them MOM!

Why am I mowing, you ask? Because Hubs is on another triple and the grass weeds are high enough that I might need to borrow the neighbor’s goats over for dinner. I hear dandelions are good for goats.

Back to my point, yes I have a point. And yes, I have a neighbor with goats. As in plural. She also has sheep and a sheep dog that is afraid of the stairs and the sheep. But I digress.

My point is I hate, HATE, yard work. But there I was on the first hot day of Spring (or in New England summer that began after the last frost) mowing the weeds. Since it is a hot and humid 75 degrees I am wearing the least amount of clothes possible. Much to my neighbor’s dismay.

Why did I choose this day to mow the lawn what passes for our lawn? Because I live on a small road with perfect lawns. Well, perfect except for ours, and I was having a moment of lawn insecurity. Truthfully I have another neighbor, but her lawn is hidden behind the best sledding hill in the state. So I wasn’t feeling inferior there, but the other two?

Not a freaking weed on theirs!

I put the girls in front of the TV, well Boo with her IPAD that is only now used for Austin & Allie at home (she uses it for the real purposes at therapy and school I SWEAR) and did yard work. Freaking yard work.

One neighbor drives by, the one with the hidden yard, we wave and say hi. We chuckle over the fact that our husbands are always “working” so we get stuck with the manly-jobs. Then another neighbor stops and comments on how the beast from hell yard is coming along. Then she says: Don’t you just love yard work? I love being in the garden. She of the perfect lawn, garden and flower yard. If she wasn’t so freaking nice I might hate her. Instead I just envy her lawn.

Me? Nope, I would rather relax with a nice glass of wine.

Instead I am hot, sweaty, dirty, dear God is that a tick on me???? With snot hanging down my nose because hello pollen. Holy crap that was a spider crawling on my arm. Why do there have to be all these bugs? What was God thinking when he created the slug?

But I carried on. I put in the effort. Tried to make something out of weeds then just covered it in mulch. Mulch is good, right? This is what I ended up with: a mowed weed, I mean lawn and some replanted trees in a 2×2 area.

Yes, that is Bailey. The crazy now destructive toddler, no longer a puppy, who is defecating on all my hard work. I gave up at that point and took a shower with a glass of wine.

Yes, I took the glass of wine with me. Because I hate yard work.

You might be a stalker if….

Have you seen the very inappropriate, non-politically correct, 80’s movie I’m Gonna Git You Sucka? In that movie we learn a true hero brings his own theme music, he also wears platform shoes with goldfish in them.

Apologies, Friday’s favorite movies are still on my mind.
they should probably do a list of the worst movies of all time

Just as any hero should bring his own theme music, so should a stalker. If I was stalking you this is what might be playing…

Rockwell’s Somebody’s watching me because, well I would be watching you.

Little Monsters’ Little Talks not only is that song kind of creepy it makes me think of Patrick Swayze in Ghost stalking Demi Moore. Since I want Demi’s hair and a side of Patrick back then wouldn’t be a bad thing, I would definitely stalk you with Little Talks.

Miranda Lambert’s Crazy Ex Girlfriend. You leave me, I stalk you. If that doesn’t work…I wouldn’t give it a second thought to being thrown in jail. Because to a hammer everything looks like a nail.

Skid Row’s 18 and Life because once I was arrested for any of the above that might be what I am looking at.

Stalker songs: You might think I am a stalker but you just don’t know how much you love me. A Twisted Mix-Tuesday brought to you by two lovely stalkers, Jen and Kristi. Be sure to visit them and share the twistedness.

Oh and when you go over to check them out you will see that I once again chose the wrong week to comment about. Yes, I am a blog-hop idiot.  So I posted about yard work instead. Then I contacted Kristi to tell her I wrote this awesome post but couldn’t use it. Especially since it was a topic from about 10 weeks ago.

But she gave me the blessing to post it anyway. Not so much a blessing but a demand. So here I am and now…

Now summer has officially arrived, I am going for a Twisted Lemonade.

Semper Fidelis

Diane at On the Border recently gifted me with the Semper Fidelis Award.

Thank you so much, Diane. It means a lot to receive notice from another blogger. Especially one who can tell stories much more eloquently than I ever could!

Of course, there are rules.

1. Add the award logo to my blog (done, it took some work, but it’s done)

2. Thank the blogger who nominated/gifted me and link back to their blog. Done but again, thanks Diane oh and go check her out at On the Border!

3.  Nominate five bloggers whose loyalty and friendship you value and who you consider being part of your ‘wolf pack’.

4.  Post something special for each one of your nominees and dedicate it to them such as a quote, picture, poem, saying etc….something you think pertains to that person.

5.  Let your nominees know that they are nominated.

And drum roll, please…..

Semper Fidelis, in Latin, means “always faithful”. I count on the following ladies below who I not only faithfully read, but the ones I feel a connection. In addition, their blogs are what get me through the day. I can count on them for their honest opinions, support and friendship.

1. Kristi at Finding Ninee. Kristi is the first person who reached out on a personal level through the blogging world. She made me feel a part of this ‘wolf pack’. But not the type of wolf pack from the Hangover. I do not think she would leave me on top of the hotel roof. However I do think she would get me drunk and let me marry a stripper.

2. Joy at I can say Momma. Another compatriot in the world of an undiagnosed child. Where I feel frustration and snarky humor, Joy finds the beauty in every moment. What amazes me about my friendship with Joy is that when we take on a 5-minute challenge our brains usually have the same take on the word.

3. Dana @Kiss My List. When Allie is a teenager I am sending her to Dana’s house. Dana has the best stories. From kitchen remodeling to traveling to shopping. Oh and shoes. She did a whole vacation from the viewpoint of her shoes! More importantly she will never let Allie leave the house looking like a hooker.

4. Bron at Big Brother, Little Sister and the Baby. I want to be Bron when I mature. Notice I did NOT say grow up as I am a older than Bron. Where I make excuses of why I cannot do things, Bron lives life to the fullest. She doesn’t seem to fluster. She travels, does triathlons, is a mum to three great kids and still remembers to be a wife. Frankly I don’t know how she does it. Which is why I want to be her when I mature.

5. Rachel at Tao of Poop. Rachel is peace. Seriously, even her husband agrees. She is mom to Claire and it navigating the world of the two-year old. Not the easiest time when your child is still a baby but testing you in a bid for independence. Rachel sees the utter beauty in the moment. I tend to see the tantrums.

There are many, many more of you out there. But I had to limit the list to 5. Thanks, again, to Diane. Keep giving us your family stories, they are not only important they are inspiring!


First impressions

I admit it, I am totally one for first impressions.  In random order here is what I tend to notice:

1. Their hair. Only because mine looks like this:

            When I really want it to look like this:

Okay, if I looked like Katie Holmes’
I would be super happy too.

2. If I am in “the” Wal-Mart I notice that people do not have my issues with self-esteem. They will leave the house wearing anything and sometimes not enough anythings.

Am I the only one concerned that this woman
seems to have posed for this picture?

3. Piercings, now don’t tell me I am all stuff. I used to have a belly piercing myself. Until I had Allie and two things happened. One, I didn’t want a toddler pulling it out and two, my belly is no near back into shape to show it off! I just don’t get how we went from the 80’s with two piercings in our ears to, well, this…

If Allie comes home with this guy
hubs might have an issue. Forget might
he will probably need bail money

4. Their feet. Pre-children I wore the best shoes, had the prettiest pedicure. Now I am either in sneakers or flip flops. Nail polish might be on the toes but it might be hard to find. And no, I am not going to gross you out with feet pictures. The piercing picture was enough, don’t you think?

5. Their children. I am in awe of the families in Mass whose children sit so quietly in the pew. Mine? Boo is usually snorting or screaming “hi” at people. Allie is usually drawing, while laying across the pew so no one can see her. She does, however, stand and kneel when appropriate. I think the perfect families must use some witchcraft to make their kids behave.

6. Their hair. yes, it is so important to me I must count it twice.

7. Their ability to coordinate their outfits. I am usually a wrinkled mess that may probably not have been current this season. I know it is possible though to look like you stepped out of a Ralph Lauren Catalog. I have this great friend and she (and her daughters) are always perfectly dressed. Oh how I envy them. I want to leave the house looking like this…

and end up like this..

I wasn’t kidding about the hair…

8. Their accent. You maybe thinking, how can their accent be the FIRST thing you notice about some one? I ask you to think of the last telemarketer or help-hot-line number you called. Enough said.

9. Their spouse. I always wonder how did she/he end up with him/her. Oh come on, you have wondered the same thing!

How on Earth did a TV reporter end up with the guy from the Federal Reserve? I bet it was E-harmony.

And last but not least (remember no particular order)…

10. That the woman on the airplane is reading 50 Shades of Grey in hardcover, without the jacket removed. Didn’t she realize that if it was on her Kindle no one would know that she is reading lady-porn?

This list of first impressions has been brought to you by the Good Life.

Happy Monday Everyone!


It is time to take 5-minutes and just write. Off the top of my head, no editing, so second-guessing….ready set go


Imagine life without Boo. I cannot.

Imagine life with a “normal” Boo. I cannot.

Imagine life without Allie, I cannot do that either.

Truthfully I can imagine a life without either of my girls. The life we had before. With my guy, my dog and my tent. It was easy. It was fun.

We would put the tent and dog in the car on Friday afternoon and have no idea where we would end up. We just knew we had to be back by midnight on Sunday.

Too much has changed since then. We don’t travel as much. We don’t have our ‘couple’ time. When Allie arrived things changed. As they do with the first born. We had five years adapting to this new life, just got our rhythm never imagining another child.

Then Boo came and life changed again. Sometimes it changed in ways so overwhelming I want to put my head down and just cry.

But then Boo gives me her belly laugh or and all the difficulties imagined.

Because this is our life and I wouldn’t want to imagine it any other way.


Five Minute Friday