Author Archives: firebailey

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About firebailey

I possess many titles: wife, mom, advocate, runner, Bruins fan, lover chocolate and Parrot Head. I believe you can conquer any challenge in this world with family, good friends and wine. I write about most of that and more while keeping my sense of humor in this life I never expected.

Mike never met Boo

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Yes, it has only been 48 hours since my bright idea to emulate Mike and Carol Brady. Funny it didn’t take a half-a-year for me to begin failing. I know, you want to pat me on the head and say give myself a break.

But truthfully I sometimes wonder where the brakes are.

Boo has been out of her school program for just over a week. I thought going away would be a great idea. We went camping and instead of camping we dodged rain storms. Being away set off her bowel issues.

Which I was prepared for, seriously, I have enough meds to rectify either option: Hazmat or Obstruction. What wasn’t I prepared for was Boo’s regression to happen so quickly. Only two days home from vacation and she is no longer feeding herself, not going to bed without screaming for over an hour (whomever said that children cry themselves to sleep after 10 minutes never met Boo) and having frustration issues.

I just do not know how to calm my child. First she wants her shoes off. Okay, I can do that. Then she screams, bangs her head and throws herself to the floor because they are off. I swear she made her head spin. Maybe it was mine.

www.goldderby.com 

I caved and put them back on. Nope, she wanted them off. Then on. Then I want a cookie (her, I wanted a glass of pinot grigio–there was still some left in the box). I decide to put on therapist/mom hat and employ the ABA therapies. She wants the shoes off they stay off. She can’t decide between Oreos and goldfish? She gets her first choice even if she runs away asking for a donut.

I’m done at this point. Mike is nowhere to be found. Carol, well I don’t have her hair or patience. So I put on therapy hat…we will by all that is Holy employ ABA. If she wants her shoes on, then they stay on no matter how she screams. She wants cookies? Then she gets her first choice, even after she walks away screaming.

The icing on the cake? Allie comes up to me and says:

Is it times like this you wish Boo wasn’t Boo?

And I break, again. I channel Carol and explain, it’s not Boo that is the problem. It is that Mommy doesn’t know how why Boo is screaming. Why Boo can’t decide between shoes on or off.

Mommy just doesn’t get it sometimes.

That Allie or Mom or Dad can’t “fix” this, we just have to try anything that may work. That I have to put up with behavior I would never allow Allie to get away with. That Allie sees that Boo gets treated differently by her parents. That we have two children that we have to treat differently.

That is not Boo’s fault or really mine. But that whole Catholic guilt thing…with an added dose that as a mom we are not doing quite enough makes me wonder.

Why

Why don’t I have the answers. A mom is supposed to, right?

Why does Boo get so frustrated?

Why can’t she use her words?

Why am I so whiny. For Cripes sake my child has words, and can walk and can show her frustration. There are so many parents out there with less.

Why, oh why must I be down?

Why the freak can’t she realize she is supposed to sleep alone. Yes, she slept in my arms for a weekend camping. But that’s over now. Why does it take five nights to undo two?

Why if I have to be Carol is there not an Alice? I mean, seriously people do you think Mike and Carol would have been so calm without their Alice.

Just think how much easier life would be with Alice.

There would be pork chops and applesauce. That I wouldn’t have to cook or force Allie to eat.

Alice knew that the one thing not to stomach was a perfect kid. Although I wouldn’t mind that perfect kid for an hour or two.

Alice knew that a five letter word for exhaustion was ALICE. Another good choice would be MOMMY

Alice, when asked an unanswerable question would reply if the right answer meant a trip to Europe. I wonder if the girls would have to go?

Anyway, I kind of got off point (are you still out there), is I wonder if this gets easier. I thought Boo’s first days in the NICU were bad. Then I thought, when she threw up everything I put into her, that this was the hard time. Then and then and then….there are a gazillion times I thought life would be getting easier.

Then there was summer break.

And sleepless nights.

Wondering if I am every going to get being Boo’s mom right.

And so thankful, from the bottom of my soles, that Boo is back in school on Monday.

There better not be snow.
 



When the Rain God’s laugh (at your expense)

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When you plan a vacation six-months in advance you know you may be taking a chance. You never know if there may be a birth, death, taxes, etc… When you plan a camping trip six-months in advance?

The Rain Gods chuckle.

Out loud.

Seriously they laugh harder than a virgin at a George Carlin concert if he was still alive. Wait, he might be one of those rain gods.

Can comedians become Gods? (and yes, I am secretly worried about God’s thunderbolt right about now–Rich do something!)

Anyway back at the camp….In February we made our camping reservations. With the economy tanking the State Campground we usually go to gets booked in 12.5 seconds if you are not careful. Okay, probably not that fast but the past two years we have been out-booked by waiting until April to plan our vacation. This year we would be successful and not only camp but camp at our favorite site.

The day before we packed the camper to sun-filled skies. The morning we left it was 59 freaking degrees and drizzle. By the time we arrived at our camp site 8 hours later? It was a monsoon.

But we persevered. We set up the camper and immediately cracked the box of wine. Hey, I was roughing it.

Allie thought it was great (you cannot hike if the rain and mud is pushing you back down the mountain) until she realized she also could not go swimming or play in the waterfalls. However the Whoopie Pies we bought in town helped (yes, I gave my child Whoopie Pies for dinner).

Boo on the other hand had a more difficult time. It is hard when a child does not do well with sensory overload has to sit in a camper as the rain pours and pours down on top of the tin roof of a camper. Then the thunder started. And well…sleep isn’t something a parent really needs.

The upside was we had a vehicle and cash. This is what I learned from three days in a camper with no electricity and a lot of rain:

Wet dogs really do smell.
I am willing to travel 3 hours in rain storm for lobster
The upside to a monsoon is that you do not have to cook over a fire pit
The downside no camp fire to drink by roast marshmallows
You can charge an IPAD in 3 hours while driving around looking for lobster
I do believe that the Chamber of Commerce pays off the weathermen for inaccurate forecasts.
Reading on my Kindle is a sure fire way for Allie to say, Mom can I play a game on your Kindle my IPOD died.
If you do get your Kindle back, you cannot read in a camper with two children, a dog and a husband who are “bored”.
If needed you can spend 30 minutes hiding in the shower hitting the button that allows for a 20 second spray in the campground shower. (I recommend bringing the box of wine with you).
I am glad I decided that I want to parent like Mike and Carol after this trip and not before. PSA–do not put yourself in a situation sure to make you sound like Rosanne.
A husband can literally sleep through anything (no offense to the men out there. But you know I am right with this one.).
There are such things as mosquitos as big as my head.
Pack extra wine.

I know for sure that the Rain Gods laughed their thrones off at us as the sun came out just after we packed the camper to go home. And I laughed as I went to work on Monday morning and left David to clean the camper, the girls and the dog.

 

I gave up Diet coke. Can I give up something else?

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About three months now (woo hoo three!) I gave up Diet Coke. It wasn’t pretty, my friends. But I did it. Recently I read a great post by Jen Kehl and am going to try to give up one more thing.





I do not think I yell, a lot. But I do know sarcasm is my friend. In my house I am famous for the eye roll (now mimicked by Allie) and when I do lose my temper, well it is as pretty as me off the Diet Coke.

Jen had this great post about parenting Brady-style. Now I know what you are thinking. Every once in a while I wish Marsha got a slap upside the head. I would suggest you go read her version here, but then you might not come back. She has some great posts. So here is my synopsis of her post in a nutshell:

Treat your kids with empathy, cool-headedness, use disappointment to guilt them and most importantly don’t yell. Now I am a total fan of living in Kristi’s Our Land of Empathy and Wonder. But I am not always empathetic when dealing with my own children, husband and definitely not with the puppy-turned-toddler-dog.

I may use guilt, but only that they have upset me. Not that I am disappointed in their behavior. I am definitely not cool-headed, I blame this on my goal of having the perfect family and why the hell don’t they conform to my wishes. And yelling? I don’t typically yell unless I am pushed just over the edge of reason. Then the neighbors can hear me.

Again, none of this is the picture of perfect motherhood I was promised in Lamaze class. Although there was screaming there.

Back to Jen, what struck me about her post was that she noticed her son was reacting based on her action. If I roll my eyes at her father, won’t Allie do the same behavior? Hell, yes.

Now this might not be the brightest idea during summer vacation. But I am going to try Jen’s Brady-parenting style. I will (try to) eliminate yelling, be more empathetic when Allie has an issue and speak quietly.

I figure it is better to master it before homework starts up again. I’ll let you know if life becomes calmer or if Allie decides to move in with her crafty aunt.

Well we are half-way there

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It’s official. We are half-way through the year. I cannot believe six months have gone by so quickly. I feel like just yesterday I was trapped in the house with two children and no wine.

Since it is July 1st I thought it would be a good idea to see how I’ve been keeping those darn resolutions. Short story, it starts great but doesn’t end well.


#1 begin running again. I am counting this as a win. Sure it took me until the 2nd week of June to start, but I’ve done a 5k and that freaking counts.

#2 Be a better friend to others than they are to me. Well, this one is a 60/40 split. I know I have taken way more than I have received. But I still have time to even the score.

#3 Give up Diet Coke. Again, it took 4 months for it to work. But I am officially 2 and a half months sober. Is it considered sober to be without diet coke? I know I am not as energetic.  Still counting it as a win.

#4 Hugging the girls versus screaming at them. Based on this past weekend I am definitely failing in the hug department. Although I do let Allie use my hot tub for a bath so that should add to the bell curve. Plus it is summer so I won’t be screaming over homework.

#5. Read more, watch TV less. Damn Kindle fire. I am definitely watching less TV but now spending more time playing Words with Friends. Julie can tell you this is true. Although since she is often winning in our battles she might be kind. Epic fail.

#6. Less time venting, more time rejoicing. Yeah, kind of failing at that one too. Tia will keep me honest with that one.

#7. Keeping a cleaner house. Let’s see between blogging, working, Words with Friends and dog hair….yeah I cannot even justify this one. Sorry. I just really don’t want to dust.

#8. Finding balance. I think of it as becoming more of a contortionist than a gymnast. No balance required but a chiropractor would be handy.

Along with a maid.

How are you doing on your New Year’s Resolutions? I cannot be the only one with a barely passing grade!



I’m thankful…

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This week I am thankful for so much and am happy that The Considerer, Kristi and Joy have created this weekly remembrance.  A time to look back on the week that was and say, you know it didn’t really suck.

10. School is officially out. Now, I know I will be singing a different tune next week. But to have no homework battles? Allie is doing the happy dance.

9. A night out with colleagues. I never go to business dinners. I usually make excuses don’t have the time. But this week I went out to a nice restaurant with peers whom you would think outside of work we had nothing in common. Holy crap did we laugh. It was truly a beautiful night out, even if the Bruins lost.

8. I fit into my skinny shorts without having to suck in my gut, that much.

7. Remember that tent/tunnel system? Well guess who moved in…

Yup, Bailey discovered the tent


So I am thankful some one in the house is using it.

6. That while Allie did not get the BEST TEACHER EVER for fourth grade the one she ended up with she is not nervous about.

5. That Boo’s summer program starts in just nine days. Please understand, her teachers and aides so deserve a break. I do not know how they do their job day in and day out with a smile on their face. But I am beyond thankful that they will be back soon. Even better her aide Sydney should be returning.

4. At a recent party there was a bounce house. Boo not only went into it willingly she loved it. The older kids ran all around and she laughed, jumped and was involved. This is huge from just a couple of months ago when the bounce house terrified her.

3. Kristi for letting me know how pet rocks came to be. It had been really bothering me for a long time. In all seriousness, Kristi’s posts make my day. The fact that she took time out of her busy life to help me with a photo issue has not been forgotten.

2. I have two nieces due to be born within the next week. Kind of funny that they are being born so close together when they live a million miles apart. After a long time waiting to have children, my brother and step-brother’s wives are due on the same day. I just hope they don’t choose the same names.

1. That there are only 66 days left of hearing I’m bored summer vacation.

Happy Weekend everyone! I hope you take a moment to enjoy a glass of wine, a ray of sunshine and a quick thank you for making my days easier!


Ten Things of Thankful

ABC’s of blogging

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Dana and Kate got on the ABC bandwagon last week and it was fun to learn more about them. Since I am such a dweeb and like knowing random facts about people- here are my ABCs of blogging…


 
A.    Attached or Single–attached, I usually have a small child attached to my hip.

B.    Best friend–Tia!
 
 

C.   Cake or pie–Whoopie Pies

D.   Day of choice–Any day that I don’t have to be perfect

E.    Essential item–diaper bag. You just never know when it’s gonna blow.

F.    Favorite color–Yellow. It just is such a happy color

G.   Gummy bears or worms–Ewww I’m not 8, although Allie says choose the bears and save them for when my pallet expander is out

H.   Hometown–anywhere there is family (corny, yes)

I.      Favorite indulgence–come on, you must know by now!

J.    January or July–July even if it means tourist season has opened

K.    Kids–two, well three if you count the husband, four if you count the dog. Essentially I am freaking out numbered

L.    Life isn’t complete without? Oxygen

M.   Marriage date? I didn’t have a date on my wedding. The groom showed up though

N.   Numbers of brothers/sisters–two brothers and a sister

O.   Oranges or Apples–Apples in an appletini

P.    Phobias–Being without that diaper bag and a hazmat happening

Q.   Quotes–“It’s the first day of school”

R.   Reason to smile–Abby’s expression when I told her I was looking forward to the first day of school.

S.    Season of choice–Fall

T.    Tag 5 people–darn, the link is expired so I can’t tag anyone!

U.   Unknown fact about me–I have never had a beer.
 
V.    Vegetable–green beans

W.  Worst Habit–laughing at inappropriate times

X.    Xray or Ultrasound–okay, who thought of this one? I would have to say ultrasound because it really is cool to see a baby before it is born.

Y.    Your favorite food–Lobstah

Z.    Zodiac sign–Aquiarias

Now the link-up is closed, but play along! Choose one of the above and tell us about yourself.
 

I did it!

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After two weeks of “training” I did it. I managed to run a 5k and not be the last one across the finish line. My husband ran it with me. He did not train at all. Which makes me extremely jealous, as he never got out of breath.

The race started with motivation from the 19 year-old who organized the race to raise money for Crohn’s Disease. Mackenzie is a cool kid who has battled Crohn’s for the past three years. When she had to postpone starting college due to the disease instead of sitting back and feeling sorry for herself, she organized a 5k.

She is an inspiration for all children not to let illness, disease or hardship to defeat them. As she finished her speech she informed us that this was an “easy” 5k with just one hill. Oh, but it was a killer hill with a cemetery at the top if anyone couldn’t make it!



With those words of wisdom we were off! I started off with the pack, that quickly left me behind. David (thankfully) believes in leaving no man behind so he slowed to my pace. My goal? Keep the 80 year-olds behind me and not come in last.

That hill? It was after the first half-mile. As I am struggling to breathe running up the hill, David says: I know a short-cut. NO! I am not cheating, I am running this damn hill. Boo, in the stroller, is yelling RUN. Now in his defense he did offer to take over pushing her. But I was making a point and have way too much pride to give up.

Although I did slow to a walk. As we crested the hill, David encourages me to start running, after all it’s now down hill and we might be able to pass a couple of teenagers. We round the corner, Boo yelling ‘fast’ and me trying to breathe.

But we did it, we ran a 5k in under 38 minutes (okay, very close to 38, but it was under!).  There is rumor of a runner’s high. When the adrenaline starts to flow and all is peace and harmony.

I never found it.

This is what went through my mind as I ran (thought because I didn’t possess the energy to speak):

Boo really has to stop eating donuts and cookies
David knows way too many people in this town
What time does the Irish Pub open
The next time David jumps onto a staircase and shows off I hope he breaks his ankle
Crap, did I take a wrong turn
Boo screaming “I’m running” really isn’t helping
Does that girl in front of me know her ass is hanging out of her shorts
Why didn’t I know about the dress code for this race
Who can run in all that make-up
Boo please stop yelling FAST I’m doing the best I can
Where the hell is that runner’s high
How can David NOT be out of breath yet
Am I supposed to be listening to his stories
If I finish this I am so getting a burger and a glass of wine

HOLY CRAP There is the finish line!

Phew I’m not the last one across and I didn’t eat one bug

Updated rules

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I don’t know why people do not pay attention to rules. Rules make life more organized and enjoyable. There is also less mom-torture with rules. For example, if you do not give a child a toy that makes obscenely loud noises the mother may invite you to the next party.

My mother-in-law, whom I do love, enjoys flaunting the rules. She will give the girls a present that she is sure will be loads of fun. But she never thinks hey what will happen when they try to take it out of the box?

See my mother-in-law loves QVC. She even went on a cruise with QVC to see some cracker lady live and in person. Her obsession is so bad that one day Allie saw a commercial on TV and replied, only 3 easy payments of $19.99 with your QVC charge. And this is how my MIL defies the rules. She buys from QVC where a savvy mother cannot then quietly exchange the gift for clothes or diapers. Her other trick is yard/estate sales. Yesterday Allie came home with four more Barbies. To go with her collection of 500 currently residing under her bed.

My MIL is also a fabulous regifter. For example, she bought Allie a tunnel system when she was about two. Fast-forward eight years later and MIL finds the gift she forgot to give to Allie. She then regifted it to Boo last fall.

I hid the gift in the basement and was successful until Allie went down to escape the heat of our 76 degree heat wave. Up she comes with this wonderful gift asking why isn’t it put together?

Guilted into putting it together because ‘we are so bored’ with our current toys I took an hour away from playing on Facebook cleaning the house and viola a new play structure was born.

The fact that I had to rearrange the living room to fit the tunnel system into the house just added to my joy.

Added to after all was said and done Boo refused to go into the tunnel system made me think of a proper revenge gift for my MIL.

Notice how Boo isn’t even in the room that the tunnel is trying to escape from? Yeah, I did too. So I stole her IPAD and Puppy and strategically placed them closer to the teepee.

David came home and said: Let me guess, my mom gave them this gift? Exactly how did he know which grandparent was responsible you might be wondering. No he is not all-knowing. 

You see, my mom doesn’t live in our town. She knows if she gives something this wonderful she will not have a place to stay in July.

What is the worst gift the grandparents have ever given your children?






Boredom…

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Summer vacation isn’t even here yet and already I am hearing I’m bored. Allie Some people in this house might not survive until September. I offered some suggestions, but they were turned down.

And it confuses me. I thought I had some really great ideas. They included:

Painting the house.
Cleaning some one’s room.
Giving the dog a bath.
Reading a book.
Playing in their room with a few million toys.
Playing outside
Playing in the basement
Riding a bike or scooter
Cleaning the bathroom
Sweeping the floors
Changing your sister’s diaper

None of the above worked, so I took out the heavy guns:

If there is nothing in this house to amuse you, I will clean out your room with a trash bag so you are not bothered by all that “stuff”.

It bought me 30 minutes of quiet. And a quick happy dance that there is still 2 days of school left.

This week I am thankful for

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With the hurry, the worry and the well crap of the week it is nice to join Kristi and Joy in remembering that good things happen every week. Not that this was a bad week. Just a busy one where I got too caught up in juggling.



Here is this week’s top-10 things Kerri is thankful for this week:

10. Kate for letting me know there were still Buffett tickets available. Although I had to pass, it was so awesome to hear from her.

9. The nephew and almost-niece that came down this weekend to visit.

8. Summer is officially here with our first fire of the season.



7. That Boo was in bed and her sneakers didn’t end up in the fire pit.

6. I completed that 5k.  I did not come in last nor did I eat any bugs.

5. The friends that let us intrude on their family gatherings. (Oh we are so intruding on your upcoming vacation too)

4. That there are still 2 and a half days of school left before I have to figure out how to entertain the girls.

3. Tuukka Rask, without him the loss would have been much more embarrassing. I will be more thankful next week if we manage to win the Cup.


2. That Boo is having a language explosion. She is becoming much easier to understand, gaining words and feeling so much less frustration.

1. That it has been 2 months since my last Diet Coke and I am no longer feeling the effects of withdrawal!

What about you? Name one thing you are thankful for this week!
 

Ten Things of Thankful