Tag Archives: acceptance

Ten Things

Time goes by so quickly, it has been a few weeks since I took a moment to pause and remember with all the craziness going on in my life it is important to remember all the good that has happened that balances out the feelings of my life is a dumpster fire.

Bridget loved her cheerleading season, that capped off with an exhibition at Gillette Stadium with the Patriots Cheerleaders. She not only picked the song her team danced to but insisted on doing the “Lift”.

Taking some “me” time and doing some much overdue self-care

That at work we have successfully opened a second location, expanding my role in a way that keeps me not only challenged but fulfilled

That a friend who spent a year in NYC, came home and we were able to have snacks for dinner for the first time in over a year.

That Bridget went bowling with a friend and while she has the funniest and slowest technique it doesn’t matter how the ball gets down the lane, we are just thankful for the gutter guards

That there were more smiles than tears this week

That when doing a deep clean in preparation for holiday visitors, I found little pieces of my eldest and her imagination that I had forgotten about. And the amazement that even though she has been away at college for over 3 years, I am still finding the hiding places of her “treasures”.

That while I was completely unsuccessful in recreating Wing Dings from Bobby Byrnes Pub, I didn’t poison us. While they were not wing dings, they were still edible, and the onion rings came out fantastic!

That I recognized that I am in a rut, personally, may have some menopausal madness going on and have started to strategize how to get me back to where I was a year ago. I have realized that Bridget’s latest health trauma has impacted me in a way the previous one had not. I could blame that menopausal madness, but those who know me know I don’t like a pity party or to shift blame. It is up to me to put myself back together. It will take some growth, some accountability and most of all my village. Thank you for not letting me slide, for not letting me fail and for never giving up on me.

    And that is what I am most thankful for, the friendships new and old that continue to be the reason I survive this unexpected life.

    Ten Things

    I am a firm believer that the more I recognize the good that has happened this week, the easier it is to deal with a week full of Mondays.

    And this week has been a Monday. All freaking week. It wasn’t just me, either. Everyone I talked to, from friends, coworkers, customers and Bridget’s team said their week felt like one long freaking Monday.

    Which brings me to the first thing to be grateful for

    1. That others acknowledge bad days. That when I say this has been the longest Monday, and it is Thursday they immediately get me and make me feel less alone.
    2. That my week started with brunch with two of my friends from high school. That we shared, laughed until we cried and shared the hard times. The times that in the grand scheme of things, are less than world hunger but more than noticing the milk has gone sour after your first sip of coffee. That the time went by so fast it wasn’t until we got home that we realized we forgot to take the group selfie. Again.
    3. That I’ve kept this basil plant alive. Those who cannot grow, buy their herbs from the grocery story and the fact that after multiple attempts to grow my own have failed, my Market Basket basil is alive and well.
    4. Wine, because let’s face it life is always better with Pinot Grigio.
    5. When I lost my shit last weekend after Bridget screamed she hated me (while hugging me) my husband didn’t try to fix me. Instead, he held me and said, this really sucks.
    6. That my mom is finally healthy enough to go out to dinner and ate her entire meal.
    7. That my sister-in-law read how I blame her mom for the “mothers curse” post and saw the humor (and agreed with me).
    8. That at Bridget’s IEP this week, her team were kind at keeping my expectations in check and understood my need to make Bridget as independent as possible before she leaves their school.
    9. That I have a village that remember all of Bridget’s appointments and check in to make sure I am okay. That they check in to share their own struggles so that I do not feel like I am always taking from them. That at the brunch on Sunday, they just assumed Bridget would be there and when she was not poured me a really big glass of wine and let me really relax for the first time in too long.
    10. That my week ended with mall pizza with Bridget and another best friend who didn’t care that we were at a food court. She laughed when shoe shopping for Bridget took 2.2 seconds and when we strolled the mall, she engaged with Bridget. Friends that bring Bridget out of her shell and into the world around us is priceless.

    A week full of Mondays could leave me crying in my wine. But as hard as this week was? It was also full of more than ten things that brought a lightness to my week. The friends that make this unexpected life so much easier to navigate the speed bumps life keeps putting in our way.

    What are you thankful for this week?

    Ten Things of Thankful

    There has been a lot going wrong in our lives this year, but there is so much more going on to be thankful for this week.

    1. That Bridget has a team of Doctors that care about her as a person and are not treating a disease but how that disease impacts every aspect of her life.
    2. That I have a job, a boss and a team at work that understands Bridget has to come first and allows me to work not only a flexible schedule but a remote and sometimes from the PACU schedule.
    3. That there are friends I have not kept in contact with or up to date with Bridget’s recent struggles understand that it is a me not them thing.
    4. That Jenn doesn’t need chemo.
    5. That even though I am a people pleaser and it is incredibly difficult for me to say “no” to an invite, I have become more comfortable with answering: I would love to but Bridget is having a really good day so I am going to stick with our plans for the day. And that my friends and family understand that response.
    6. That I have friends that let me ugly cry, but not wallow in self-pity.
    7. That my eldest is living her best life and while I miss her not coming home this summer, this is how it is supposed to be.
    8. That through this really difficult time, when we have to put Bridget first our marriage isn’t perfect, but it has not imploded.
    9. That when I had to remove Bridget from a retirement party, our friends didn’t judge but were compassionate and understanding
    10. That this happened for the first time in months

    For every bad day

    After my vent-post the other day, I received so much compassion that is simply overwhelming. As I said to one friend, I am a much better caregiver than caretaker. One person did reply (sweetly) that Bridget and I make this life seem easy. Not in the way people who have perfect Facebook/social media lives, but you know their real life is a hot mess.

    In our case, whether you see us online or in the supermarket, we live Bridget’s life out loud. The good, the fun, the ugly cry moments and the ones that bring me to my knees.

    The reason I am so open, is that if I can make one parent (or sibling) feel like they are not the only one living this life, that there is one person on this Earth that might not exactly what they are going through, I do know that feeling of what the actual fuck! I know how it feels that we cannot seem to have a “quiet day” but maybe not exactly what brought you to that moment.

    We are also so very lucky. For every single bad day (or moment or month) we have 50 really great ones.

    This past weekend was full of those little great moments that make it easier to get through the really tough days. I know they are little moments, and the bad moments have felt insurmountable lately. But for me, these moments allow me to remember the girl who would never…

    After months of trial, we got to the beach!

    ….walked two miles this weekend and got to the beach. She could not stay but look how close she got to the water!

    Then to make life a little sweeter, our girl managed to go to the grocery store (another win this month) and made the cake that she had purchased.

    Everything is better with cake

    And that, my friends, is how I keep the light in our lives. How as hard as this life can be; by celebrating these little wins, it makes the battles easier to fight.

    My advice is to keep enjoying those little moments in your life, my fellow warrior parents. Celebrate them. Because if you do, I swear it will make the moments when you are in your driveway screaming at the trees how pissed off you are at this unfair life you’ve been given happen a little less often.

    And for the times that you need more than good memories, I recommend calling a really good friend and sharing a glass of the adult beverage of your choice as they listen to how much you love your child but kind of wish there was a warranty given in the delivery room.

    Mirror, Mirror on my wall

    I am not a fan of the mirror.

    When I look into at the image the mirror, I see Rosannadanna hair and a face only Cher would love in the movie Mask. I see the long front teeth that got me nicknamed “bucky” by a vengeful cousin in JR High. I used to hate going into the bathroom that said “Bucky was here” where a chunk of the counter was chipped. Continue reading →

    I was THAT mom

    I recently received an e-mail from a mom who is just beginning her special needs journey.  She googled a few terms and this blog showed up in her search (wow!). As I read her e-mail I was suddenly taken back to that place. The place where I was completely overwhelmed and wanted Dr. Google to explain what was wrong with my child.

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    I remember looking into this face and feeling so overwhelmed and ill-prepared to deal with a child who had health issues.  Not knowing in that moment that this would actually be the easy time. A time when we were cocooned with doctors and nurses just a call bell away.  Continue reading →

    When children are denied an education

    There are 62 Million girls around the world who are not in school.  Think of that for a moment. In this country we take education as a right, something a lot of us take for granted. We believe that all should have access to preschool through high school.  There are many of us who believe college should be included in that matrix.  Yet world-wide there are 62 million girls who have no access to education. They are illiterate, uneducated and financially dependent on others. Education is a known factor in advancement yet is denied to young woman around the world. Sometimes through circumstance, most often by men who fear the change women challenge the world to undertake.

    A girl without access to reading, writing and arithmetic is more likely to end up in an abusive relationship, motherhood before she is emotionally ready and in poverty.  Want to stop terrorism? Educate the poor, the disenfranchised and the children of the world. Let them understand that the world is more what they see out their window. Malala proved that one girl’s education can give voice to a movement of change. Once their minds are awoken, young women’s voices cannot be silenced. They become mothers who will impart the importance of education to their offspring.

    With access to education, young women across the globe will affect change. This is not just women in underdeveloped countries, but here at home.  According to PEW Research only 63% of US high school women go on to secondary education. Some of the 37% decide not to go further because they go into trade, the military or for whatever reason decide not to go to college.  I am willing to bet that out of the 37% of high school girls do not go to college due to circumstance. Looking at colleges is not a financial undertaking most of us can afford nor have the credit rating to achieve. If your parent did not go to college, you are less likely to see the value a college education can be to your life.  Children of lower-income single-mothers are less likely to have the opportunities for higher education. A recent study showed that 100% of former welfare recipients that receive a four-year degree and 82% of welfare recipients who received a 2-year degree stopped relying on welfare support.

    In 2013 our country had 10.9 million school age children living in poverty.  Unsurprisingly, 40% of US children living in poverty are unprepared for school.  A staggering 31% of US children without a high school diploma will continue to live in poverty. Compared to just 20 years ago, the rate of children living in poverty has increased and the gap of income inequality continues to grow. Their children will repeat the cycle, unless change is made and education becomes a priority.

    Education breeds personal power. If we want to see more women CEOs, leaders and Heads of State we need to educate them. Not in our own backyard, but in every back yard. I do not want women to overtake men; I want women to work alongside them. Equal partners effecting real change to leave this world a better place then we found it.  Advances in science, economies, living conditions and education benefit all of society. We need to stand with the United Nation’s stance that education is a human right and a “driving force of human development”.

    When our youth are educated homicides are decreased, crime is lessened, reduces infant mortality and teenage pregnancy. Famine and world hunger can be alleviated. Terrorism loses its footing when those being suppressed are educated on how to make their voices resonate across the lands.

    The US Peace Corps is collaborating with USAID and the First Lady to work together in educating girls, one girl at a time, through grassroots efforts. Volunteers committed to teaching all children. They understand that with education comes change, and maybe peace.  It’s time to get the facts and be clear: education should be a fundamental right of every child. To learn more about the initiative Let Girls Learn please visit their website at: https://www.whitehouse.gov/letgirlslearn

    Feeling Powerful (it might be the puff paint)

    Last weekend  we created t-shirts for our upcoming Mudderella event next week. Yes, I did arts and crafts. I wanted to order them online, I was convinced this would be “fun”.  At least no one was injured. Then came the puff paint. I shuddered.  As I was instructed on the power of puff paint the fumes got to us and we wrote: PUFF POWER.

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    Abby told us the puff would give us what we needed to get through the obstacle course. Which led to the question: if you could have a superpower what would it be? Continue reading →

    Want to change the world? Make it personal

    Warning…I’m on a bit of a soapbox.

    I just finished reading a book about WW2 (Escape from Davao). A quote from the book resonated in me as it applies to everything: Natural and man-made disasters, the horrors of the news, the treatment of our elderly, 9/11, Ferguson, police being killed, domestic violence, the drug war and (insert horrendous thing here). I honestly think words from 1944 are still true. Until it becomes personal,until we understand that WE must feel we cannot win.

    “We’ve got to have the nature of this war drilled into us Day after day before we sense the whole horror of it, the demands of it, the danger if it….This War has not yet become personal with us…But if we hear the truth day by day … We’ll silence the babble, sober the feather-minded and fight like hell” (Palmer Hoyt page 332)

    Continue reading →

    We are surviving kindergarten

    I would like to thank everyone who sent me messages of support when I was terrified of Bridget’s first day of kindergarten. The good news: it didn’t suck. The bad news: it is still a little nerve-wracking.

    Bridget was ready to go, me not so much

    Bridget was ready to go, me not so much

    While we have moved on from Bridget’s loving team at preschool, we have moved into her new environment which is filled with support, care and understanding of our fears. Her new teacher understands who frightening this experience is for our family. Not only does she understand, when she saw the playground her heart stopped in fear as well.  Validating that I was not overreacting but my concerns are real and important. That my concerns are not just for Bridget but applicable to every child in this new program.

    They made immediate changes, not just to recess but other areas of Bridget’s day.

    Bridget has come home every day mentally exhausted, barely able to form speech or feed herself. It has been an adjustment for her, to be in a new class with a new set of standards. She is loving every minute of it. The excitement she shows when seeing her friends and teachers makes my heart swell. Bridget is slowly being integrated into the general education room. I’m okay with that, this slow transition, confident that her team is taking baby steps so that she will succeed.

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    They were right, Bridget was ready for kindergarten.  I’m getting there.